QUESTIONOGRAPHY

FIREHAT ^ | september 24, 2008 | nroman liebmann

[firehat]

QUESTIONOGRAPHY ©

A CRASH COURSE IN CURIOSITY

by Norman Liebmann

Should Americans save their money just on the off chance that it may be worth something some day?

If the angry Michelle Obama ever visited the Land of Oz would she pull the wings off the flying monkeys?

Did Americans ever think they’d be living in a time when a train wreck in California would be the good news of the week?

Are the Subprime defaulters getting ready to merge with the Bourbon Street looters? And is picking up the trash by helicopter an idea whose time has come considering how well it worked in New Orleans?

After Barack Obama got through bad-mouthing our country all over the world, isn’t it ironic that Japan, which he bypassed, is one of the few countries in the world that is not plotting a sneak attack on America?

Now that Russia is building a space center in Cuba, is a moon suit with ruffled sleeves the fashion statement when in orbit. And will the Cuban space travelers be called Conga-nauts? And will their launch countdown be “One-Two-Three- Kick!”?

Is the infantile Vice Presidential candidate, Joe Biden, living proof that you can’t put diapers on a pig?

Under the new Democrat-proposed Health Care Program, will Medicare cover every therapy including voodoo that does not respond to penicillin?

If Barack Obama becomes Commander-in-Chief will his first use of the military force be against the American people?

Will the Treasury Department soon be printing a floating currency by using ink that has bubbles in it?

Should someone check to make sure whether or not Sarah Palin’s signature is on the Declaration of Independence, and if it isn’t should we have some patriot run over to the National Archives and pencil it in?

Is Yahoo on a mission to blunt the cutting edge of technology? And now that Google is stationing its technology at sea will they call it The USS Mainframe? “Torpedo los!”?

If the Kennedy family is such objects of idolatry how come so many people found them tempting targets? And isn’t it time to move the terrorists from Guantanamo to Hyannis port?

Does George W. Bush make Gerald Ford seem like another Stephen Hawking?

Is the Black Caucus the worst of all possible nightmares - Frankenstein as a committee?

Will the incoming Democrat Congress change Unemployment Insurance to become Unemployment Assurance?

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says there’s no such thing as the free market. Is it because he and his whole socialist “fam damily” have seen to that?

After her $2,800.00 a plate dinner for Barack Obama as a humanitarian gesture for Darfur, did Barbra Streisand plan an airdrop of leftovers? Was the idea shelved when she learned that hyenas, vultures and Hollywood agents would probably beat the starving people to the scraps? Along those lines, has anything intelligent happened in Hollywood since Louis B. Mayer told Joan Crawford to get her butt off the MGM lot?

Is Joe Biden a fugitive from common sense?

When Michelle Obama is bitten by a wasp does she bite it back?

If George Gallop did some polling in the Land of Oz is it likely the results would be a carbon copy of the ones he got in Palm Beach, Florida?

Is it true that beggars can’t be choosers unless they move to San Francisco?

If Michelle Obama gets any more apoplectic on Election Day will she have to be trundled off to the polls in a paddy wagon?

Is running Barack Obama for President a result of one of Lincoln’s better ideas that miscarried?

When we read the Russians are selling arms to Iran and Venezuela shouldn’t we “Get ready to rumble!”?

Why is Obama urging his supporters to “get in their faces” when he knows that Democrats are better suited to get into subjacent parts of the anatomy?

If Congress gets around to shutting down the government during Ramadan, who will forge the welfare checks for “The Faithful”?

By the time that construction crew finishes working on the hole at the 9/11 site, couldn’t they just have gotten some shovels and filled in the Grand Canyon?

Is Michelle Obama going to send her children to a school where they give angry lessons – or will she be content to just going to let them pick it up on the streets?

Is Keith Olbermann inadequate or just plain defective?

If measured, would Dick Durbin have less testosterone than Deanna Durbin?

If Obama wins the Presidency will his first Healthcare Measure in hospitals be to have the doctors and the orderlies take turns carrying the bedpans?

As President would Barack Obama establish a miniature basketball clinic to instruct pygmies how to improve their jump shots?

To combat the popularity of Sarah Palin, will Obama Campaign operatives accuse hockey moms of hitting hockey pucks because they are black?

Whatever became of “slave blood”?

Will children be encouraged to run away from home if they take the mortgage documents with them?

Is there any place on earth that Alan Colmes could go to where he would not be an embarrassment?

Would America be a better country if the Republicans quit collecting injustices and learned to fight?

Is Nancy “Grossie” Pelosi, the Joan Crawford of the Congress, having that same hysterical allergy to oil that Crawford had to wire hangers?

Obama wants to move the war from Iraq to Afghanistan so the terrorists could be closer to the opium harvest in case their supply starts running low on American street corners?

Has Senator Robert Byrd reached the age where he needs a nurse to mash his Viagra tablets for him?

If we had put Ted Kennedy alone in a room with Joe Pesci would it have taken longer than five minutes for Pesci to find out what really happened at Chappaquiddick?

Will the minorities ever forgive our country for the sacrifices Americans made on their behalf? And if the blacks take over the government will they continue paying themselves welfare – and where is the money going to come from to do it?

Did Harry Reid last adjourn the Senate with the cry – “Abandon ship!”?

Do gays want political dominance or are they willing to settle for opening night tickets for every “minty” musical that swishes its way down Shubert Alley?

Is it the mission of the Civil Rights leaders to "casualize" racial violence by passing it off as the usual garden variety discontent?

Is there really any such thing as global warming, or does Al Gore have a habit of standing too close to the sun?

Will the people who lost their homes in the Mortgage Crisis find out there’s no place for them among the homeless in San Francisco either?

Will Congress ask the Department of Justice to reduce “poverty” from a crime to a more affordable misdemeanor?

Will Barack Obama continue to travel the world to meet with foreign despots, or will he go to the United Nations and cringe before them all at once?

Is the fact that Barack is now polling poorly giving Michelle Obama a reason to go back to not being proud of her country again?

Is it the contention of the militant blacks that they are owed occupancy of the White House for at least every other Presidency?

Does the resistance to intellectual ripening by Bill Clinton suggest it’s time for a Constitutional Amendment preventing politicians from extending adolescence beyond the age of retirement?

Should Park Rangers be vigilant that “tree huggers” do not get too turned on and get the redwoods “in trouble”, or will they be arrested and charged with “Contributing to the Delinquency of a Knothole”?

Did Al Capone go to Alcatraz from Chicago because he wanted to associate with a better class of neighborhood organizers?

Will we soon need traffic signals to tell us where Wall Street ends and Bangladesh begins?

As President would Barack Obama convene European leaders in a summit of the weak?

When Bill Clinton turned from a philanderer to a rapist did he need a neighborhood organizer to ease the transition for him?

Does Michelle Obama believe that every young girl should be given a copy of Das Kapital along with her first training bra?

Is the only measure that will restore integrity to Washington a return to public flogging?

Now that the Black Caucus has worked its economic revenge on America, should that Committee rename itself “The Subprime Caucus”?

Will Barbra Streisand record “God Damn America” and other favorites from The Jeremiah Wright Songbook?

Are ninety percent of the Obama constituency deadbeat mortgage holders? And if all these stiffs go to the polls on Election Day will it make Obama a lead pipe cinch to win?

In 1814 British soldiers burned Washington D.C. to the ground - so where are the “Tommies” when we really need them?

And how about this …?

In 2012 when Charles Manson becomes eligible for parole, will he tell us what it is like to spend 14,965 days and nights in a cell in solitary confinement - or will he just give us the highlights?

***

[BenLurkin]

Nobody here in the LA area thinks that the Motrolink collision which claimed 25 lives was “good news”. At least no one I’ve met.

[oyez]

I had to look up the word “apoplectic”. I knew it had something to do a seizure, but outside the medical world its $5 word for sh*t fit. Lot of that going on. Good going, Norm and thanks for the word of the day.