>>A “personal” relationship that is drudgery indicates that the rest of the relationship is drudgery, too.<<
I agree with that. But often the problem is perception. Some women (and men) just blame all problems on the spouse. I have said to young people thinking of marriage that if they cannot remember their potential spouse ever giving a heartfelt apology for some SPECIFIC wrong, RUN, don’t walk, from the relationship for they will blame you for all the problems in the relationship and quite possibly leave you for it.
It is actually a very common tale as told here: http://www.fredoneverything.net/Divorce.shtml
It is almost exactly what happened to me the first time around.
Yes, that's true, and it's going to be harmful no matter what the perceived problem is.
It all degenerates to the “where do you squeeze the toothpaste tube”. It is not relevant just one of a litany of wrongs percieved.
IOW
“I will not show affection unless you comply with conditions”
but first
“I will not comply with conditions unless you show affection.”
Conditions on unconditional love (as in marrige love not mere physical expression)
I remember seeing one of those nifty marriage videos from focus on the family.
The skit involved a couple that kept “score” of how many nice things they did for each other. It was the mistaken notion of love being pavlovian.
I am fascinated how many women here simply don’t get it and are offended by that fact.
It makes the women that do get it simply worth their weight in platinum.