Posted on 04/13/2009 4:39:33 AM PDT by Sinschild
"It's had serious repercussions," Swihart said. "These young adults who were raised in the '80s, now in their 20s and in the workplace -- those who received praise, rewards and prizes for everything they did without working very hard -- often are very entitled and self-absorbed
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
We’ve raised a generation of spoiled brats. I have a 30 year old at work who wants to be praised for not peeing on his hands or else he pouts. He has to be told what a good job he does every time he so much as doesn’t get his thumbs caught in his shoelaces when tying them. I am not kidding. He is about to be fired for insubordination as he makes demands based on his thin-skinned ego or else he refuses to do his job. I am finding he is typical of people about 35 and under. When I was that age I would have been invited to find another job if I had acted as insecure as they do.
We have another guy, 33 years old. He is now on a personal improvement plan due to lack of performance. The idiot is throwing a temper tantrum and refusing to show up to important meetings on time. He is always about 15 minutes late but thinks he shouldn’t be fired.
Another, 29 years old, thinks if he doesn’t get to do what he wants without regard to what the rest of the company needs from him it is “stifling his creativity” and he just can’t work that way.
A lot of people under 40 think entitlement and atta boy is the norm in california.
the greatest generation = the great depression & WWII
baby boomers = 1946-1964
generation x = 1965-1980
millennials = 1981- 2000
Each generation has some definining characteristics. I live and work in a small town. Most millennials I meet have mastered complicated technology, and can multi task. They are more accepting of differences and oblivious to old stereotypes.
Once I got past the body piercings and tattoos, I found some things to learn from them such as....the young dads are as likely to need time off to take a baby to the Dr. or pick up from day care as the moms. The young women see themselves as strong and able and don’t want to wait around for a man to help move or lift things!
I do agree though, earning self-esteem is more valueable than just “having” it.
grandma mac
You need a better analogy, because you are wrong on this one. The reason they give him high fives is that he did his job. He sacrificed himself to move another player into scoring position. It wasn’t about his self-esteem, it was about putting the team ahead of himself, and the coaches and other players know that.
What kids AND many adults need is a hefty dose of the TRUTH.
Simply the truth. When something is well and accurately done praise SHOULD be forthcoming, commensurate with the task. When something is done wrong then APPROPRIATE criticism should be the statement.
While self-esteem is boosted by praise, we truly learn from mistakes. When errors, mistakes and/or failed tasks are lavishly praised, all one acquires IS impossible high self-esteem.
I have seen children RUINED by schools that PRAISE and REWARD abject failure that was merely “a good effort”. This child has been taught that “ALMOST” is acceptable, and may well be doomed to go through life wondering why he/she is a failure, when they’ve tried their very, very, best.
ALMOST if no damn good..in the operating room, in the cockpit of a jet, installing new brakes in a car, programming that computer, or any of the other tasks of life.
ONLY a politician can expect to be consistantly rewarded for doing a poor job.
My kids are in a Christian private school. My wife is the lower school counselor and college roommate is the high school principal. They team teach a class to parents entitled, “Don’t drink the kool-aid: The myth of Self-Esteem” that addresses the “over-praising” culture. They are firm believers in the notion that kids need to fail and learn from it. That’s life in the real world.
I take your point about the better analogy. But in this case there was no sacrifice bunt, the intent of the hitter was to get a hit...perhaps I should have made the situation one out, if so then that runner is on second w/twou outs, the hitter was obviously not trying to sacrifice.
What bothers me is the universal glad handing by the entire team over what was once accepted as basic tenants of, in this baseball. Check out some old footage of celebrations of teams winning the World Series and they pale in comparison to celebrations given to a team winning the fifth game of the season via a ‘walk off home run.’
As the old saying goes:
Ping to an interesting article while metmom is away!
I’m 40 and I think my group is the last to learn actions have consequences and only good jobs are worth praising. Doing what is expected of you is not praiseworthy. Now if the kid does something in school the parents sue the school. If I misbehaved I was punished by the school and the parents. My parents believed in rewarding extraordinary effort but on the flip side my mom told me she was prouder of the B I earned in calculus in high school than any of my As because she knew I worked harder for that B than any of those As.
Good point. The Cubs have finally started going by this philosophy in the last few years and no coincidence they are 43 over 500 in this time.
My job used to have pretty lax dress code and a flexible attendance policy. Basically the dress code was having clothes on your body. They were flexible with attendance as long as you put in 40 hours a week between 8 am and 7 pm M-F and we are open 8-2 on Saturdays. The under 30 crowd used and abused this so things were made tough. Guess who complained the most about this? We now have a business dress code and if we need to move our schedule we still can but at least 48 hours notice. (It is nice though if we have a doctors appointment - I have one tomorrow early morning and will work 1130-8 instead of 830-5. I am off today to go to the Cubs home opener).
Praise is fine. The flip side though, loving hard words, (Son, this isn’t a job worthy of your efforts. Now please go back and start all over and do it right. You will continue until done correctly so sloughing off won’t be rewarded) are what’s missing.
Our local Cub Scout council has an annual BB gun league. Out of about 300 scouts and siblings, the top ten in each rank are awarded a trophy at the end based on their scores. The rest get a participation patch. My sons have participated for several years with the goal of being good shots. I was surprised one year when one of my boys earned a trophy. This year, the top three shooters included two girls who were siblings. They boys were ribbed a little bit about that at teh awards ceremony.
We look for improvement in the boys so they get praised when they do shoot good, especially if they are getting better. I heavily praised one of the scouts who in the first few weeks could barely hit the back wall, let alone the target. By the last week, he was outshooting many of the others. He earned the praise.
<I think it has to do with parents not paying attention to them.
Actually, it may be the other way around. This kids are in college and making the same demands on their profs They always need to hear how good their work is or that they ‘tried’ really, really, hard. The profs on academic message boards seem to be driven crazy by their students’ constant need for attention and stroking.
The behavior seems to come from what we call ‘helicopter parents,’ parents who are so wrapped up in their children that they follow their exploits everywhere, including when the little dears go to college - calling the profs about their kids’ grades, calling the admin to make sure all is right w/their little babies. So, it seems not that they were ignored, but that the parents were more tuned in to them than was common in the past.
That’s what I was craving. Thanks again. I’ll give that President thing a mull over before I commit.
Yes, that’s the ticket. Thanks again.
Its like anything else, there needs to be balance..
I will always praise my kid for giving their total effort. You cant ask anyone to do anything more than that, at the same time if I see them dogging it even if they win I will come down on them.
You can go too far the other way, you can under praise your kids and the consequences are creating kids afraid to take chances in adult life, afraid that if they give it their all and dont win it was not worth the effort..
You know I remember when I finally stopped being a clown my Sophomore year of HS, I worked so hard at a particular math class (Trig I believe) because I wanted Honor Roll.. I had a genius sister who lived on the Honor roll and I wanted that just once.
I have never worked so hard at a class before in my life (and not too many times after)... The result was an 89.... Merit roll and I was crushed, deflated, and thrown to the side.
My Mother in her wisdom took me aside one day and told me how proud she was of my effort how no effort so strongly applied was wasted no matter what the grade. I made honor roll pretty much every quarter after that but I to this day (20 years later) am still more content with the effort I put forth.
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You don’t reward children for failure but you also don’t reward them solely for success. You reward them for giving it their all. some kids might not have what it takes to win a race but if they leave it all on the track *knowing* they wont win well that’s something worth praise..
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