A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, “You’re crazy.”
The man says, “I want a second opinion.”
The doctor says, “OK, you’re ugly too.”
A guy says to a doctor, “I’m having trouble with my love life at home.” the doctor says, “Take off 20 pounds and run 10 miles a day for two weeks.”
Two weeks later the guy calls the doctor, “Doctor, I took of the 20 pounds and I have been running the 10 miles a day.”
“Okay, so how is your love life now?”
“I don’t know, I’m 140 miles from home!”
A man can’t find a lawyer. He picks up the Yellow Pages and he sees the firm of Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz. Calls them up and says, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?”
“No he’s out playing golf.”
“Well, is Mr. Schwartz in?”
“No, he left the firm.”
“Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz.”
“He is in Detroit and will not be back until next week.”
Ok, how about Mr. Schwartz, then?”
“Speaking.”
The convict was about to go to the electric chair. He called his lawyer for advice. the lawyer says, “Don’t sit down.”
The food on the plane was fit for a king. “Here, King.”
A panhandler says to me, “Mister, I haven’t tasted food for a week.”
I said, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
My father was never home; He was always away drinking booze. He saw a a sign saying, “Drink Canada Dry”; so he went up there.
My mother was 88 years old, she never used glasses. Drank right out of the bottle.
ba da bump
We have a law down in Knoxville named Finklestein, Swartz and Cunningham LLC. The two Jewish names are for effect. There aren’t now and never have been any other lawyers in this one attorney firm.