Interesting question. My family (on both sides) has had to fight the charge of "acting white" for as long as I can remember. Even when the charge wasn't overtly leveled at us, we got the message through ridicule, cold shoulders, and other subtle ostracizing.
My siblings and I were Army brats from birth, so didn't start out life inside of a monolithic black community. The only community we knew was one where people of every background and state of origin were represented. In short, the culture we came from was the military sub-culture, which in my time, was uniquely all its own.
I guess you could say that we were foreigners in the black community, even though our extended family were all from there. Both of my parents graduated high school in Watts, California (in '48 and '50).
However, their parents were strict disciplinarians and very much of the very old school. They moved out of the Deep South, partially to give their kids a better shot at life. Because of that, they set really high standards of conduct for my mom, my dad, and all my aunts and uncles. They were all made to speak standard American English, too, despite the fact that they spent half of their childhood in the Deep South. My parents tell some hair-raising stories of hell they went through because of that.
Anyhow, short answer is that I couldn't fake who I was, and that brought me grief for a long time from my peers.
Windflier, maybe if the entire USA community knew the true bliss of a military society, things would be much better for all. Ignorance is a predominat factor in social understanding of people.
Thank you for your family’s and your service to our great country. Wishing your family and you a Merry Christmas.
Sincerely,
NSNR