Posted on 07/10/2012 10:43:32 AM PDT by Kaslin
Dear Dave,
My niece just graduated from college with $20,000 in student loan debt. Her boyfriend graduated as well, and they’re talking about getting married. He has $115,000 in loan debt and wants to go to graduate school. They both want to be teachers, and she’s currently job hunting. The idea of all this debt hanging over their heads bothers her. Do you have any advice on how she can come to peace with the situation?
Denise
Dear Denise,
This is a really interesting question. In a way, I’m glad she’s conflicted about the situation. At the same time, I wouldn’t want it to be a deal breaker where their relationship is concerned.
Here’s my take. You don’t pass up a great, lifelong relationship just because of debt. You do, however, walk away from a relationship based on things like laziness, irresponsible behavior and immaturity. These are flaws that usually don’t go away. Any girlfriend or boyfriend who goes into a marriage thinking, “I can fix this person,” is in for a rude awakening.
I’m glad she’s looking for a job, but her boyfriend also needs to be working—especially if they’re planning to get married. There’s no excuse for either of them being full-time students with $135,000 in combined student loan debt hanging over their heads. Besides, lots of people hold down real jobs and further their educations on a part-time basis.
If she were my niece, I would encourage her to have an open and honest discussion with her boyfriend about their future, how he plans on paying for graduate school and her feelings on the situation. If his answer is simply to borrow more money, then she’ll have some potentially difficult decisions to make. But if he realizes how damaging picking up any more debt could be to their finances and their future, then they can start off on the same page. And things will look a lot brighter!
—Dave
Dear Dave,
My fiancée and I are planning our wedding. Our parents don’t want to contribute financially, so we’ve budgeted $7,000 to cover everything. The problem is both sets of parents still want to make decisions regarding the ceremony and how many people attend. How should we handle this?
Anthony
Dear Anthony,
In my mind, they don’t have a say in what happens or who attends if they don’t contribute. I understand how your parents feel though. How nice the ceremony is or who’s invited can be a painful discussion, but in this case their opinions should only count as long as they fall within the confines of your budget.
Be courteous and gentle when you explain how much you’ve budgeted and what that means in terms of who can come, how many are there, and just how fancy this event will be. Now, it would be really nice to involve your fiancée’s mother in the planning. But at the end of the day, she does not make decisions. Make sure you involve them and their opinions, but it’s you and your bride-to-be who have the power.
I know your parents love you, and they want it to be a wonderful day for everyone. But this is your wedding, not theirs. And by the way, this would be a really good time to consider premarital counseling. It amazes me how many people enter into a lifelong commitment without talking and thinking things through. And part of that should be you guys getting on the same page as to how you’re going to handle interfering in-laws. You both obviously have some!
—Dave
Paying more than $10k for ANY degree in “education” is like paying $100k for a Yugo.
There’s nothing to see there, move along, move along.
After all, if Bill Ayers could get a degree in it, there’s absolutely nothing there.
The number one reason cited for divorce: money! The groom needs to step up and get a job. Oh, and if either of you are thinking of voting for Obama....DON’T!!!
Dear Denise:
If you are going sign on to what is essentially a home mortgage, you ought to at least get the home to live in.
henkster
$115,000 in student loans for undergrad and wants to go to grad school and ... TEACH?
That's a three bedroom house on a half acre, or more, in some parts of the country!
Someone saw her boyfriend coming or he was given horrendous advice.
Spend about $100? for a judge for public ceremony in municipal court. Another $3000 on a nice cruise.
Send pictures to both sets of parents. And they can forward to whomever they want.
Of course, the fiance might not go along ...... until she has to satisfy impossible demands from both set of parents.
I agree with you
Dear Anthony,
Repeat after me : We can’t afford it.
My wife and I kind of ran into the wedding invitation problem. Thankfully, they weren’t as pushy and as demanding. Things went smoothly.
I do agree with marriage counseling. My wife and I had 12 sessions and enjoyed them. They went really well.
I have some aquaintences that are almost in the exact same circumstance as the couple dealing with school loans. She wants to be a teacher, but can’t find work (she’s not trying hard b/c her parents still take care of her) and He has a degree in english to be a writer. No job. Just wants to get masters.
$115,000 for a degree and more for a graduate degree so he can teach........dump him , he’s looking for some one to pay for half his ride!!!
“$115,000 in student loans for undergrad and wants to go to grad school and ... TEACH?
That’s a three bedroom house on a half acre, or more, in some parts of the country!”
Leaving aside this particular case, your comparison brings to mind something that’s always puzzled me. People hand-wring about the amount of student debt facing some individuals, yet it generally pales in comparison to a home mortgage. So in the worst case, people stuck with such debts may not end up being able to afford a house and instead have to live in more modest digs by renting. This doesn’t strike me as the end of the world. Why would someone in such a circumstance demand that government relieve them of the large debt they voluntarily took on? It’s not as if they are entitled to own a house etc.
I disagree. MIT, Caltech, Stanford Business School, Hopkins School of Medicine, and many others are genuinely worth a whole lot more than 10K for the knowledge, and a whole lot more than that for the credential. Can you imagine hiring an MIT or Caltech engineer and then being disappointed in their technical knowledge? Character and social skills are a different issue, but the top schools really do offer an essentially ironclad guarantee of technical excellence.
I agree 100% on an education degree. I think teachers can do great work, but I can't imagine that the $117k education degree was in any way worth more than the comparable degree from a state school. Even an AP teacher in high school is teaching at the college freshman/sophomore level, well below what any responsible student can learn at any accredited college.
Dave Ramsey ping!
Hammer all of your debt and experience Financial Peace! I’ll have to actually come back and read the article later.
Thanks Altariel for posting the article and thanks to Kaslin for pinging me.
Dave Ramsey Fan Ping List.
If you would like to be added to the “Live like no one else, so that you can LIVE like no one else” list, feel free to Freepmail me.
Hammer all of your debt and experience Financial Peace! I’ll have to actually come back and read the article later.
Thanks Altariel for posting the article and thanks to Kaslin for pinging me.
Dave Ramsey Fan Ping List.
If you would like to be added to the “Live like no one else, so that you can LIVE like no one else” list, feel free to Freepmail me.
“Thanks Altariel for posting the article and thanks to Kaslin for pinging me.”
It was the other way around, but you’re welcome. :-)
Doh, multitasking got me again!
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