I’m not sure what advice to give, but my brother was in that same situation a few years ago, complete with the abuse allegations and the too-passive lawyer. He eventually won custody after the ex was found to be a compulsive liar.
One thing that did get things moving in my brother’s case was when our parents got their own attorney and sued for grandparents’ rights. That seemed to break his lawyer out of her passivity.
I think it also helped that the judge was a working mother and didn’t put up with any of the ex’s crap, but that’s kind of the luck of the draw.
“win” custody???????
This is a tragedy for the kids. They need two parents, two good parents. Don’t treat the spouse like she is the enemy. Maybe she did wrong and maybe it is a living nightmare, but it is nothing compared to what the little ones are going through. They want ma and pa to love them and each other, and believe me, they blame themselves for parents acting like morons.
PUT THE KIDS FIRST, even if it seems sacrificial. That is your job, provider and protector. Never say anything bad about mom. Zip the lips. Do NOT make them chose. Remember, things cycle, the one on the outside at this moment, could be on top when the tables turn.
DO NOT be vengeful. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.