All real men will have some similarities with each other but we are all different individuals from each other. These “subtle signs” you mention are a projection of your own experience with your husband onto this man who is likely very different from your former husband. It is true that both this man and your husband are/were military men and both will have warrior(sheep dog protective instincts) that some of us “civvies” may find that are irritating. Yet this marine is not your husband and you can not judge his personality just because his straight forward manner as expressed in a letter reminds you somehow of a side of your husband that you found to be unpleasant.
Did your husband develop dementia? You mention living 44 years with him and that he had at one time been in Korea. The Home Depot store started in the late 80’s early 90’s so we’re talking about a man in his 50’s or early 60’s when the incident you described happened? The social revolutions have left a lot men in that generation of Korean vets out of the loop where-as women, even their own wives of that generation and beyond have received great benefits from those cultural changes.
The bottom line is you can’t judge all men by who your husband is or was....and none of us will ever know what you might have been like to live with!
Actually it was in the mid 70s when he was about 45. Maybe it was 84 Lumber, I don’t remember. He developed Alzheimers in his mid 60s.