Your family sounds a bit like mine. As I mentioned, my 5th great-grandfather is listed in the DAR Patriot Index. A son, who served under him in the Duchess Co. (NY) Militia, left the U.S. after the Revolutionary War, and moved to Canada. His father wrote him out of the Will. He eventually married the daughter of a Loyalist who had also moved to Canada, although I don't know if her family moved there before or after the war. Thus, my mother was born in Canada. My father was born in Holland, and came to this country in 1912 with his parents and brothers. For years I assumed I was a first generation American, but with my mother's ancestors having settled in NY from England originally, then moving to Canada, I don't know if the first-generation term fits. I was born in Rochester, NY.
I had another Loyalist family...grandsons and great grandchildren of Huguenots..
3 brothers and their wives and children left New Rochelle, NY in 1773 and moved to the Susquehanna River Valley in Pennsylvania...Wyoming County, PA..Mehoopany and Tunktankuk
The Revolution started and their houses were burnt and their farms confiscated...
The men and their teenage sons fought in Butlers Rangers for the British side and the women and children fled to Canada...
Back in New Rochelle their cousins were Patriots...
After the war one of the cousins joined the 3 brothers in Canada...
He hid the fact he was not a Loyalist LOL...
His name was changed a bit when he got married etc..
Hes listed in the DAR lists..
Through him I can join Loyalists and Patriots..
I have one hold out family who might have been Patriots..
My 3rd great grandmother was a Holden born in Vermont in 1815 according to her 1888 Gowanda, NY death certificate..
There are at least 20 Holdens from Vermont listed as Patriots...
Plus several from New Hampshire and MASS
any of them could have been her father or more likely grandfather...
Unfortunately the census for 1820 and 1830 just listed so and so Holden, 1 wife 6 children and no other details...
Other than her family, for her husbands father and grandparents and great grandparents I have certificates for FIVE Loyalists
:)