Just choose a word to redefine. For example, "guns" is the term for large guns used on naval vessels. I have no guns, and do not have access to any guns. This is how the NSA answers when it is asked about "collecting." It says that possession of information is not collecting, it becomes collecting only when the NSA views the information stored in its warehouse.
Anyway, just be creative in parsing words and sentences. There is no such thing as "too ridiculous."
Roger that.