I was bullied in school (70’s). Branded as a gay by a lying friend in 7th grade, it followed me for years. I was a very small person and wasn’t physically able to stop it.
I remember the day I stood in my parent’s bedroom with Dad’s pistol in my hand looking at it. What stopped me I don’t know.
I’m 54 now and those years of bullying still affect me.
Glad you reconsidered. People get caught up in the moment, but it's a truism that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And it's a "solution" that creates a lot of mental trauma for close friends and relatives.
Maybe these are sea stories, but Jewish oldsters from NYC I used to know (they're in a better place now) said they used to have to, during the 20's and 30's, literally run the gauntlet of Irish and Italian neighborhoods while going to school. They dashed through those areas in order to avoid beatings at the hands of Irish and Italian kids lying in wait for them. (They weren't really gangs in the modern sense or even delinquents - just kids with too much time on their hands). The beatings weren't severe - just bruises - and I suppose they might have paled compared to the corporal punishment routinely administered at home for misbehavior or just because pa was in a bad mood.