I’m in the middle of splitting next year’s firewood and all of the odd pieces from the splits (rot, burls, stubborn crotches) go back to the fire pit. Last night, ten kids were left unsupervised around a blazing log fire telling boogerman stories. Earlier, when they were eating marshmallows, one girl tossed her cookies from eating too many. I’m afraid of the government stepping in and sending an agency to make sure we are being responsible.
Am I bad?
Who cares?
What about ...
* liquified marshmallow runoff poisoning groundwater
* skin burns
* CO2 emissions from carbonized marshmallows
* plastic marshmallow bag disposal issues
* excess dietary sugar intake
* artificial preservatives
* destruction of forests for marshmallow sticks
* choking hazard
I think we need a new government agency. To be safe, we need a new cabinet level Office of Marshmallow, Fluff, and Miniatures. It’s for the children.
You’re under arrest——take the midnight train to Marshmallow Roasting Reeducation Camp.....or else.