This sounds HUGH and SERIES!
Perhaps you should go to Thailand?
Have you ever thought of just lurking and not signing on? Then you would not be able to post and get into it with other well-meaning FReepers.
Or... China. In most parts of China that I have visited, FreeRepublic is... oddly UNAVAILABLE.
Sounds like Cuba may be as realistic option now too.
Hands down though... this is... the WORST, OPUS, EVER!