Posted on 10/04/2015 6:44:39 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
A new book claims that male office workers are now so afraid of being on the receiving end of a sexual harassment case, they are reluctant to mentor, assist, befriend and even hold open doors for female colleagues.
Crushingly, the book, Sex & The Office suggests men now view such ordinary, decent behaviours as “too risky” – and, in what will be a bitter irony for equality campaigners – claims that, as a direct consequence, women are now failing to advance at work.
This terror of being accused of sexual harassment is now so common it has its own term, “backlash stress”. It sounds like something straight out of a Claims Direct ad – where the only victims are men.
The book’s author, Kim Elsesser, a research scholar at the University of California, argues that a “sex partition” has sprung up, which impedes women from building the vital network of contacts both within the workplace and socially.
And the author should know about tough working environments: she’s a former equities trader at Morgan Stanley.
Tellingly, Elsesser adds that companies themselves are contributing to this mess, as they are now so terrified of legal action they send staff on sexual harassment training courses, and are duty-bound to follow up on any allegation, however minor.
Ludicrously, Elsesser cites examples of men who have been dragged in by their HR departments for simply opening a door for a female colleague or complimenting her on a new suit. “Stories like these spread around workplaces, instilling a fear that innocent remarks will be misinterpreted,” she says.
No s**t, Sherlock!
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
“Well, all their bitching and moaning have made it so guys won’t touch them with a ten foot pole.”
Sadly, that’s not true at all.
How gentlemanly of you.
Would you rah rah the male that did that to your daughter?
Same here. When a man holds a door for me, I always smile and say brightly, “Thank you, sir.”
So sick of the bitter hags. Men are wonderful.
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A couple of years after I retired, I was in a convenience store and a woman about 30 y/o came in to pay for gas. She was in heels and had a short dress. I left right after she did and on the way to our cars I said “Ma’am, I mean no offense, but you have really beautiful legs”. She turned her head and smiled and said “Thank you!”. ......Here in Texas, women appreciate being complimented AND us old critters don’t get accused of harassment!
I’m a woman from a generation that would feel bad if the guys at work didn’t give you compliments and flirt.
Lots of marriages came out of the workplace in those days.
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So true! ...I was a Manager in a dept. of professionals at a major defense contractor. Lots of compliments and flirting went on there. Two Sctys. would sneak up behind me when I was walking down the aisle to my office and pinch my butt occasionally.
On last workday before Christmas, most people had left. The Director and Asst. Director were standing at other end of the area watching people leave work. I was standing at opposite end and talking with another Manager. ...My Scty. left her desk and walked right up to me and grabbed me around the neck and planted a fantastic kiss. I was shocked and just held my arms out (like in surrender), while avidly returning the deep kiss ...and looking at my boss.
Turns out, she and the guy I was talking with (both married) were having an affair and she was just teasing him. They both got divorces, married and are still married about 20 years later.
Been there before (29 years ago).
Can’t even think about “assisting” a woman anymore :(
>> but I hope it doesn’t cloud one’s behavior for a lifetime.
I’m kinda stubborn about what I am, and that includes the effort of being courteous — save the random antagonism we all suffer and are forced to deal with.
Sounds like your typical office in Norway.
If the Russian man was older, he went through Soviet training which emphasized that all sexes were completely equal. That might take a generation to change.
If these women call you a sexist pig, why not just slap them? If you’re gonna get fired anyway, might as well deserve it.
The irony is that over my career I’ve ended up having better working relationships with women who work for my company’s competitors. I’d meet them at conferences and client events, and there was never any need to worry about answering to my HR people over it. LOL.
Interacting with women at work is increasingly risky. It’s hard to tell if they will interpret a joking comment badly, or be hostile to an overheard opinion, so you especially have to watch yourself around them.
When the only people you can relax with are fellow white hetero males, then that’s the set of people you mentor and help.
Women are physically weaker. I seriously doubt that there are many men who seriously think of women as inferior —just different. I am stronger that the average woman, even for an old lady, but I still need the husband to open a jar for me on occasion.
Much of "sexual harassment" complaining is done, not by women receiving friendly banter from male co-workers, but by the sullen unattractive women who DON'T get male attention, and who thus feel that the women who get attention have an unfair advantage.
Rush Limbaugh long ago said "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society". I would amend that to "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women who dislike men, easier access to the mainstream of society."
Notice he said "lib" co-worker. If somebody's a ranting liberal at work, I'm not going to do much for her either.
The other necessary thing is keeping a paper trail, especially an electronic one. If a student is becoming “problematic”, I make it a point to send (& retain) emails documenting their situation.
The sexes can still embrace their natural roles within the context of a work environment. Do you think it’s reasonable that women are crying to HR when a man offers to carry a heavy object or holds a door open for them?
Don’t read the Bible much, do you? I was quoting 1 Peter 3:7.
God’s choice of words, not mine.
With regard to the Human Resources department, one must realize that their overarching purpose is to keep the company and its management out of the courtroom. So while a lot of the policies put out by HR regarding sexual harassment may seem ridiculous and silly, keep their main purpose in mind.
I am extremely careful when dealing with my female subordinates and counterparts. It is true that they have the upper hand in the workplace and that each and every one of them have the ability to destroy the career of any man with just one false allegation. I have had a couple of allegations made against me during my career but fortunately they have been minor and were unsubstantiated.
In one case, a woman employee complained to HR that I was "feeling myself" as I was speaking to her. I had her in my office and was going over her performance review. She actually got a decent review but evidently she took issue with some of the areas I told her she needed to improve in. What saved me was that she lodged the same complaint against another male manager so this was dismissed as unsubstantiated and the female employee left the company a few months later. Thinking back to the incident, I might have had my hands in my lap but certainly I was not "feeling myself!". Ever since then, I have always insisted on having a male colleague in the room with me whenever meeting with a female employee - unless it is a longtime female associate that I know I can trust - and I keep my hands on my desk. You just need to be extra careful around women in the workplace.
The other time was when I told a joke at a department meeting. I forget the substance of the joke but it had to do with one of the workers coming back from his honeymoon and I made a reference about "not getting to do much sightseeing", implying of course that he and his bride probably spent most of their time in their room. The male employee took no offense but one of the female employees, who likely didn't even know the male employee very well, was offended enough to lodge a formal complain.
OK, so that was probably too risque for mixed company. I assumed that we were all adults and could laugh a little at the man coming back from his honeymoon. Got a slap on the hand for that. Ever since, I have kept my business meetings as businesslike as possible when women employees are in attendance.
So do I walk on eggshells in the workplace when women are around? Absolutely. However, there are some women I have worked with for years and I absolutely trust them to not file false or frivolous complaints against me. It may be my undoing but I do give women employees an opportunity to eventually win my trust and I do loosen up a little when I'm around them.
Lastly, during my entire 30 year career, I've had dozens of women employees touch me or even overtly make moves on me. It might be touching my arm when talking to me or running their hand across my back as they pass behind me. None of that ever bothered me one bit but I know that I would risk my career if I ever did that with a female employee. Other women employees, knowing that I am married, have asked to have a drink with me after work or even one one occasion, asked me to go away with them on a weekend trip. I was always gracious about it and never made them feel bad for asking. But, I know that if the situation was reversed, it would likely be a different story.
The rules are definitely different for men than they are for women in the workplace. Good or bad, the women have the upper hand and with one well placed accusation, they have the ability to destroy a career. Men need to be cautious about letting down their guard.
Yep I've been called out for doing precisely this.
Friend of mine got called into HR on his first day at a new job because he said to a girl who had the same phone as him (this was back when different brands were actually different) "nice phone".
She complained to HR saying it was code for "nice ass"
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