26 April: The kamacruzies storm from their bunkers. Screaming their war cry #NeverTrump, they are beaten back by an over 3:1 popular vote across 5 states. How could this happen? Wisconsin was supposed to turn the tide! To console themselves, they read and quote passages from the RINO rulebook to one another.
Now they straggle toward Indiana to make the first of their last ditch final stands. As they retreat, the kamacruzies tune to Tokyo Ted. He tells them of new strategies to win the GOP civil war. A new alliance has been forged with the kamakasicks against the Donald. He has also appointed the kamakarLie as his second in command. Delegate theft operations continue. They must fight on to Cleveland and destroy the Donald at all costs.
And by the way, adds Tokyo Ted, I’m now in the middle of a big-money firestorm. The witch has raised a 100 million and the Donald has a billion dollar slush fund. Will you make an urgent contribution to my campaign to defeat the Donald? Some of the kamacruzies look down at the ground. They begin to wonder if there might be a better use for twenty bucks.
Meanwhile, the goblin queen surveys the landscape. She is alarmed by the advances of the Trumpian army. Her chieftains report, fighters in his ranks that would normally be hers. Too bad that Tokyo Ted can’t get any votes. He would be such a lovely opponent. She recalls how her comrade Claire McCasKill handily defeated the cruzian clone, Tokyo Todd Akin in Missouri 4 years ago. She prays to her gods for such good fortune.
In the meantime, she is at least satisfied that the GOP civil war continues. And if Tokyo Ted’s treachery can depose the Donald in Cleveland, then her prayers will be answered.
Excellent!!!