Posted on 01/03/2017 7:30:55 AM PST by Chickensoup
Dear Mrs. Web, I went out to dinner with a few friends recently. Several of the guys who are my friends, were there with their fiancées. One guy has been away in the military for a long time and we were all happy to see him. His girlfriend and he were snippy with each other and over the evening their arguing became more intense. The bulk of the argument seemed to be that he didn’t get the right items when he went shopping earlier. She just kept hammering it. It was uncomfortable for everyone, and we all broke up early. We all had a couple of drinks by the end of dinner, but no one was drunk. She seemed not to care about anyone or anything, just getting her own way. What should I do if this happens again? It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Dear Mrs. Web seems to be getting more of these letters. Women who are angry about small issues, and cannot seem to let them go. They do not care what anyone thinks, do not have any thoughts of the comfort or embarrassment of others, and want their own way at any cost. In public or private these women want someone to pay in emotional blood. Even when her boyfriend says “uncle” and apologizes, she continuously berates him and brings up other past events. This woman is a shame and embarrassment to herself. As a friend to this messy couple, you may want to excuse yourself at the first sign of friction. Your friend is going to have to learn to walk away or put up good boundaries on his own.
Dear Mrs. Web, Went to a farewell party for a good buddy from school, he is on his way to three years out of the country for a job. We are all busy people with good jobs. His girlfriend decided to make it a pretty formal gathering and the girls and guys dressed up and we had it catered at a local restaurant function room. Everyone contributed. It was going to be a really good time. My girlfriend of the past 6 months was my date. She has heard me talk about these friends, but because of circumstances she did not have much of a chance to meet many of them. So I took extra care to make sure she was introduced and kept her with me throughout our time there. Which was short, because she decided that she didn’t want to be there, and asked for my keys and sat in my car, crying. She had exactly one drink so this wasn’t drunk-drama. I kept on going out to the car to talk to her and calm her, but she was upset and angry to be in a new situation and she wouldn’t come back in. This is not a shrinking violet, this woman is a nurse and in NP school. I finally went in and said my goodbyes to everyone. It was embarrassing. I left with her because the focus of the party was my buddy and I didn’t want her to ruin it for him. I don’t know where to begin to go with this, I am so angry with her.
You are angry with a good reason. This woman ruined for you an evening of fun and tribute to your friend. It appears that she decided that the evening was too difficult an emotional burden for her, and she was going to get her way through drama and manipulation. You did the correct thing by leaving, because she might have upped the ante and brought the drama from the car to right into the party. This is an emotionally immature woman who is demanding. She may look put together and successful on the outside, but she is operating at an emotional maturity level of the average three year old and manipulates by tantrum. I hope you have removed her permanently from your dance card of life. Make sure you find a nice, emotional mature, and thoughtful woman.
Continuing a theme:
Dear Mrs. Web, I went to a lake party with my girlfriend. I know many of the people and she knew a few of them and we all had a good time. There were jet skis and water skiing and a lot of tubing. The food was great and we all ate barbeque and drank beer. It is a good group and the stories and teasing were fun around the fire We left the group at about one in the morning, laughing and feeling good. She seemed to have a good time. Then we got in the car. My girlfriend started yelling and crying and telling me that she felt alone and abandoned at the party. That I was off talking to different people and I left her alone. That I should know that she doesn’t like being in crowds of people she doesn’t really know. That I was terrible human being and don’t care for her feelings. I had no idea. This woman is successful in a career that meets the public and it never occur to me that she would need babysitting at a casual party. She said that I was selfish. It was horrible.
You were blindsided by a woman who expected you to read her mind. Great talent if you can do it, but few people are Carnac the Magnificent. Instead you are blamed for somehow not being “intuitive” and you are expected to understand what she has not said. Interesting that she was able to hold it together all the way through the hours and hours of the party, only to explode and act out in the car. I bet it was horrible. I hope you don’t give her the opportunity to repeat it.
Dear Mrs. Web, My brother went through a terrible divorce eight years ago. He was married to a woman we had known since college. They had two children. The both worked hard and both were successful in their careers. Their children were in their mid-teens when his wife called it quits and left him for another man who broke up his marriage too. The court battles were pretty bad and my brother was left with little money and raising the kids single-handed. He did a good job and both the children are now out of the house and doing pretty well. My brother has been really bitter about women. About six months ago he told us that he was seeing a woman from the Philippines through an on-line site. She is about 12 years younger than my brother, and he thinks that they will get along well. He is going over to meet the family next week, and he says if all goes well, he will be going back to marry her within a few months. He is happy for the first time in a long time and actually smiling. He is holding off telling his children until things are set in stone, I guess the family can veto the marriage if they don’t like him. I don’t even know what to think. He seems happy. I am worried that this is a scam and that he will be hurt again.
I don’t know whether your brother is involved in a scam. If she is asking for money, I would imagine it is a scam. Even if it is not a scam, other cultures see the responsibilities towards one’s family, blood and married differently than we do in the West, where a big portion of responsibility is given to the state through social security and senior housing. However, there is another aspect of cross-cultural dating that needs to be mentioned. Women from other countries have an international perspective on men. US men are considered to be, on the whole, nice, kind and generous when stacked up against other men in the world. In many countries, especially third world countries, a US or other kind of Western husband is considered to be a real prize. Someone who would not be normatively not physically abusive, and who will treat them well. So depending on the goals of this woman it may work out well. Encourage your brother to buy her a ticket to come here to meet the family and so you can all get a better look at her. Philippinas are often religious, so you may need to put her up at your house for the duration of the visit.
American women have one consolation: There are plenty of black men out there that will be happy to put up with them. Doesn’t do much for black women.
Why post this as news? Really doesn’t belong as news.
Doesn’t belong in FR at all as far as I can see.
The prisons are full of people who have that personality characteristic/disorder.
It goes both ways. Crazy is crazy. Men hide it better and men ignore it better.
If they didn’t have that thang there’s be bounty on ‘em.
Perhaps but that comes with an inherent danger.
Or better yet
Prov 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Dump the Frump doesn’t quite ring the same ... and some of these emotionally terroristic females are far from frumpy.
My advice works in both directions, of course. NOBODY should tolerate (or be expected to tolerate) emotional terrorism in a relationship. Parents should not tolerate it from their children ...
I’ll be married 34 years in 2017. While my wife ain’t perfect by any means, I wouldn’t swap her for any of the women described in the post.
One thing is for sure, if I was suddenly single again, I’d never date another woman, especially the modern day ones. I’d move to the country and just get me some damned chickens or something.
Trust me, my black friends get just as weary of these womyn as we do, and Tyler Perry has made millions off the idiosyncracies of relationships with black womyn. lmao
There are so many bad women out their that two of my female friends have asked for reject privileges for my next serious relationship.
They know my qualities as a man and will not let another woman walk all over me.
” borderline personalities” and the men who try to love them....
The US-men/foreign women angle is not very diffucult to understand.
As the author mention above, American men are generally more kind towards women than men from many foreign cultures, while foreign women from those same cultures tend to be a LOT more caring about their men than American women are.
1 + 1 = 2
The incidence of narcisism, violence and borderline personality disorder are also much higher among US feminized women, in my persoanl opinion, so marrying one is like “playing Russian roulette” with a loaded gun.
Congratulations on 34. We just reached 33 years on 23 Dec, 2016.
And I agree, marrying someone else after the gift that God gave me would not be something I would easily consider.
BTW, congratulations. Also, did you end up getting the Jeep you wanted?
That is the truth. All my life I stayed away from picky eaters.
If I were a young man ....
I’d ask her out. She’s really cute ... cute smile.
I’ve known a few men like that. They major on the minors. Every misstep is a chance to “spike the football”. My BIL was like that. He wanted my sister with him at all times. She couldn’t go to bed without him, even if he was sleeping on the couch.
She eventually left him.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.