Posted on 06/17/2017 6:57:33 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
Wow, where is love and genuine caring in that scenario?
Absolutely.. If both are unwilling to work on the marriage or it’s completely one sided, it will not work no matter how much one person is willing to put into it.
I have seen so many marriages fail for that very reason. A lot of people expect everything to be perfect and always given to them and not have to work at anything. They fight or leave when the slightest problem arises. Marriage can be very hard, but can also be very fulfilling if both are willing to work at it.
My advice though, is very basic advice.
The statistics bear the need for bashing. Divorce rates are between 50 - 60 percent. Women initiate 70 percent of divorces. The resounding majority of those are for “dissatisfaction”, not because of abuse, dishonesty or addiction. Bottom line is that if you’re looking for honesty or loyalty in a modern woman, the overwhelming odds say you’re looking in the wrong place.
Yup. Evil women, nice men. A standard freeper memo.
How I’d love to hear the other story...
You can start with the recent survey that indicated that over 50 percent of the female respondents had identified their next romantic interest before they initiated their divorce.
Boo hoo hoo.
I’d still like to get their side of the story!
Not sure what you are referring to and didn’t mean to cause any grief to anyone. Maybe it is calling me delusional because I love happy endings and hearing of couples who have been married for decades brings me great joy. I will take it. I accept that and prefer being that way. I was raised by a single father and saw bad actors on both the men and women side. I don’t deny that at all. And it takes two to make things work. Respect and commitment on both sides are paramount for longevity and happiness. Delusional? Maybe. Hopeful? Most definitely. Believing in the power of Love is like being in the Power of God.
There are some couples who make it. Personally I believe it has a lot to do with dishonest expectations and what we think are important attributes in a mate. What concerns me is how the younger people are not receiving the support of society for healthy relationships. Rather, we are throwing at them all the things that doom them and our whole country instead. For instance the doom and gloom of bad relationships instead of the virtues of (and how to have) good relationship.
She’s lazy, not depressed.
And he’s my friend, has been since elementary school. She’s an acquaintance via marriage.
It sounds hopeless. I’m sure that they didn’t intend that.
I’m late to this thread but I had it saved on a tab to read and finally got to it. I’m going through a difficult time right now. My husband is unhappy with the fact I have a circadium rythym disorder which is made worse by working till midnight (for many years now) with no other job prospects having opened up that pay as well. So, he holds this against me to the point where every time over the years I try to have serious discussion on making our marriage, communication better he brings it all down to that. Everything is always my fault, he thinks I can just “fix” it. Then he starts shouting over me, interrupting which makes me yell over him, and so on. I get no shows ofaffection, not even hand holding unless I initiatate it. Everything is always about him. I try and show interest in his day, his work, his health, etc. but he can never ask how I’m feeling, show interest in my work, I feel like I get no support or empathy.
We’ve been married for almost 30 years and he used to at least show some enthusiasm and caring in his own way but now it’s pretty much gone. I’m feeling too old to start a new life, and, with my health issues I can’t work enough hours to support myself. He wont support me quitting my job and finding something with better hours but that pays less.
When I had to go on short term disability for a month towards the end he made comments about my getting back to work, that I haven’t gotten disability pay yet according to the bank, yet he’s been off twice worker’s comp and disability and I didn’t gripe at him. Any amateur marriage counselors or psychologists here? Lol. OK just had to vent and this thread seems relevant.
If this thread had names and phone numbers, it would be a perfect telemarketing list for Marraige Counseling, Inc.
“where every time over the years I try to have serious discussion on making our marriage, communication better he brings it all down to that.”
I try to answer every thread sent to me, but yours is a little difficult as I have no history of your situation and I am not a trained counselor.
My suggestion is you talk to a financial adviser as a team, and your medical professionals to determine the extent and capacity of your physical problem.
My successes financially, which is the formula for anyone, was a pattern of hard work, foresight, knowledge, an occasional gamble, and a little luck. But if you do not do it as a team in your house, and the communication dies, it won’t work. And that word, communication, is what has made our marriage work for over 40 years ovewr some very difficult ground. Good luck
rwood
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