You stole my idea;) LOL!
I thought of saying “This is Office Philbin, how may I assist you. If this is an emergency, please call 911.”
I used to have a message in my phone answering machine...
“Hi, You have reached (blank’s) automated phone network.
If you like pressing buttons you may press one now.
If you don’t like pressing buttons press two.
If you’re confused press three.
If you would like to leave a message you may do so after the beep.”
Only your friends will bother to wait to the end to leave a message.