GILLLUM COMES CLEAN: “I was sipping a diet Pepsi, in self isolation at the hotel, to protect my beloved family from coronavirus, when there was a knock at the door.”
“Puzzled, since I was not expecting anyone, I threw open the door to find a gentlemen clad only in chaps, holding three bags of Gummi Bears and a pizza, which I did not order.”
“Ready to ride, cowboy?” he said.
“I religiously practice social distancing so when he got in my face, I was forced to strip naked because I feared contamination.”
“He started man-handling me. I resisted, then found myself face-down on the bed. The guy started slathering my butt with extra virgin olive oil and dipping his johnson into the gummy bear bags.”
“As a happily married man devoted to my wife and children,I was disgusted at the things he forced me to do. But when he asked me to play with his nipple rings, I had just about had it.”
”“I was grateful when the police burst through the door.
Sure, sure, sure....that’s what all the buy-sexual pols say...I was on my way to a friends wedding when...doan know nothin’ about that dead naked white guy...so when can I get my money back?
...Do I look like a guy that needs to pay for it?...I must have passed out from a bad reaction to my blew-flu meds....try the veal special.