Posted on 10/18/2001 9:53:53 AM PDT by Airwinger
Hi freepers, I know this might seem a bit frivilous in this time of our nation, but the wife and I are putting on a skit at a party, and I want some good Osama/Afganistan military jokes to tell: you know, like, Why does the Afganistan Navy sail in glass bottom boats? So they can see the Afganistan air force, I know it's dumb, but! thanks all!
A air force pilot gets shot down over afgan and parachutes on a hill. Their military decides that they want to capture him and send up an entire squad on infantry. Two days later no one returns. Baffled they send a battlation. Two days later no one returns.
They say the hell with it and send their whole elite force. Half-way up a bloodied infantry man waves his hands and screams, "Go back! Go back! It's a trap theres two of them!!!"
WITH A CROW BAR!!!!
After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs.
A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.
"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation.
They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking.
A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.
They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.
Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!"
George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan??"
The Brit replied “ Well its our tradition, you see if I get shot on the battlefield , my troops will not see my blood and will not panic.”
The Agani thinks for a minute the says “ Hey Abdulla, get me my brown pants !
Canada: Do you remember that Shake and Bake commercial where the cute little 4 year old girl thinks she helped make dinner while actually doing nothing useful? When you think of the Canadian military, think of that little girl.
Egypt: Egypt is trying to appear friendly to US while deciding whether it would be better to slip a knife between the US's shoulder blades or whether they should aim for the less protected lower back.
Ethiopia: The Ethiopians are considering siding with the Taliban because although we're bombing Afghanistan, they heard that food drops were involved.
France: As usual, the French are humiliated because they look like huge wussies compared to the Brits. However, the French are always ready to guard our rear as long as we're sure that there isn't going to be any fighting in the rear.
Germany: Isn't very interested in the war since there are no plans to kill any Jews.
Iran: Right now Iranians are having rallies where they chant "Death to America". After we finish with Afghanistan and Iraq don't be surprised if they start chanting "Please stop bombing us."
Iraq: All the Iraqi citizens who can't get out of the country are getting their white flags ready and trying to figure out how to say in English..."We surrender! We love Mickey Mouse and Microsoft! Long Live George W. Bush!"
Israel: Despite the fact that Israel's whole nation is smaller than a Kmart parking lot, Israel is, willing, ready, willing, capable, willing, did I mention willing, to kick any nation's ass in Middle East if the US will let them.
Lebanon: If the Middle East were a Batman comic book, Syria would be the Penguin and Lebanon would be one of his evil henchmen named Lefty. Needless to say, it's hard to take any nation seriously that let's Syria push them around.
Occupied Territories (Palestinians): Added cheering Bin Laden and protesting the US to their regularly scheduled terrorist attacks, rioting, and protesting of Israel.
Pakistan: Pakistani extremists are busy burning down their own businesses and killing each other because they're mad at the US. Look for the national flag of Pakistan to be changed to a man cutting off his own nose to spite his face.
Saudi Arabia: Saudi Arabia is desperately trying to figure out how to look like they're completely behind the US while doing absolutely nothing to actually help.
Somalia: See Ethiopia.
Sweden: Whether it's the Axis vs. the Allies or the Western world vs. terrorists, the Swedes are determined to keep their title as the world's most useless nation in a crisis.
Syria: A pathetic loser nation that is known for being more arrogant than the French, having more terrorists per square inch than Iraq, and being worse liars than the Chinese government.
He is going there to overthrow the Taliban.
Because they carry Afghani semen.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.