Miss Universe Pageant - Miss America vs. Miss Afghanistan

Le Ugly American
Mr. Hendrie
Tours France

Le Ugly American II
Mr. Hendrie
Goes South of
the Border

Miss America, The lovely Kate Harmon, is sporting the swimsuit she chose for this evening's competition.	Miss Afghanistan is sporting the heavy smothering burqua, as chosen (well, required) by the oppressive Taliban regime.
Miss America is a junior at Portland State University, where she's advancing toward her Master's degree in Bioethics.	Miss Afghanistan is forbidden from receiving any education at all, and cannot read or write.
Miss America has worked as a lab assistant at both the Oregon Health Sciences University and the University of Puget Sound.	Miss Afghanistan is, well... She's absolutely forbidden to work. Ever.
Miss America's father is an engineer, and her mother works as a teacher.	Miss Afghanistan's father was shot by a gang of Taliban militants, but her mother is alive and well, begging for scraps of bread since she cannot work or remarry.
Miss America will be wowing the judges tonight with her rendition of the Puccini Aria, "O Mio Babbino Caro".	Miss Afghanistan has sadly bowed out of the talent portion of tonight's competition, as she's forbidden from singing (or even listening to) music of any kind.
During her reign as Miss America, Kate's travels have taken her all over America for personal appearances and fund raisers.	Miss Afghanistan cannot drive or be out after dark, but she does leave her house occasionally when accompanied by a male family member.
Miss America is an advocate for breast cancer research.	Miss Afghanistan hopes she does not get breast cancer, because she cannot be treated by a male doctor, and for all practical purposes has no access to medical treatment of any kind.
As Miss America, Kate is an eligible bachelorette - she can date, marry, or even divorce anyone she chooses.	Miss Afghanistan is to be sold into an arranged marriage to a man who already has two wives, but she'll be treated to an execution by stoning if caught in the company of a male outside of her family.
To guard against possible skin cancer, Miss America takes advantage of sunblock when she's enjoying a relaxing day at the beach.	To guard against possible skin cancer, Miss Afghanistan is required to paint the windows of her house black, and her pale skin hasn't seen a ray of sunlight in years thanks to that burqua.
Thankfully, Miss America's lovely choice of swimwear fully meets pageant standards -- she'd have otherwise been disqualified.	Thankfully, the holes in Miss Afghanistan's facial mesh aren't too large -- she'd have otherwise been flogged.
As Miss America, Kate has the option of bearing as many or as few children as she likes one day, and in a country with one of the world's lowest infant mortality rates.	Miss Afghanistan's several pregnancies will more than likely be forced, and one out of four of her children won't see their 5th birthday.
Miss America will likely be quite eloquent tonight - she's majoring in speech communications at PSU.	Miss Afghanistan will likely be rather quiet tonight - she's forbidden from speaking in public.
Miss America is 21. Since the life expectancy for an American woman is around 80, she's still a rather young woman.	Miss Afghanistan is also 21. But since her life expectancy is around 43, she's already middle-aged.

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"There's only one problem with this - the Miss America pageant has NOTHING - ZERO - NADA - NO CONNECTION in any way, shpae or form to the Miss Universe organization - it's the Miss USA pageant that is under the Miss Universe organization - and is a Donald Trump venture."

Easy there buddy. It's not meant to be taken literally. It's just a creative way of comparing the differences between American women and the women of Afghanistan. It effectively demonstrates the oppression of women by the Taliban.

In the event that I haven't explained the nature of this piece to your satisfaction, I have included the below disclaimer to help avoid such confusion in the future:

DISCLAIMER: The above parody should in no way be confused with the actual Miss Universe pageant. Any similarities or dissimilarities, real or imagined, are purely intentional. We are not affiliated with, or supported by, Donald Trump, Trump Hotels Casinos Resorts Inc., or any of it's subsidiaries. As a matter of fact, we are pretty sure that Donald Trump doesn't even know that we exist. Conversely, we are supported, in part, by Donald Duck. He has reviewed this project and has given it "3 Quacks Up". Mr. Duck has been a vocal critic of the Taliban's treatment of women, and we thank him for his help with this project. If you confused this satirical endeavor with the actual pageant, you should immediately seek professional psychiatric assistance. There are advanced pharmaceuticals available today that will help you avoid such confusion in the future.

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