Vanity: I have a slacker daughter

me | 12-1-01 | mykdsmom

[Leroy S. Mort]

A couple years in the Armed Forces probably wouldn't hurt. Works for many.

[LarryLied]

Dostoevski wrote in the Brothers Karamazov, I believe, that a person will be OK if he or she has just one good memory from childhood. Something to hold on to. I have no doubt you have provided this and more.

[NC_Libertarian]

I think you should give her one more chance. :)

[mykdsmom]

I never thought of that....she'd never go for it.....too lazy.

Unfortunately you can't make your kid sign up. I think the discipline would do her a world of good. Thanks for the suggestion.

MKM

[N00dleN0gg1n]

I know we can't make her want an education, it's something that she has to want for herself.

6 months flipping burgers will make her want one.

[goodnesswins]

I think you've done the PERFECT thing. She isn't ready for college, obviously....she proved that to you and to herself. I think she's lucky to have parent(s) who won't let her fool around with her life.....and she'll thank you later. I think many kids today aren't as mature as in years past, for various reasons.

A community college is a good place - except watch for the liberal rhetoric (I'm a former elected board member for one, so I know.) She needs to find her "gifts" what God put her here to do - maybe that's where the focus can be. Good luck. IMHO she was testing you, i.e. not reporting her grade even though she knew the rules....she needs to know that a rule is a rule - her kids in the future will benefit! Good Luck. Hang in there. Wish you could help me with my 31 year old married son and his skanky wife....but that's another story.

[goodnesswins]

I think you've done the PERFECT thing. She isn't ready for college, obviously....she proved that to you and to herself. I think she's lucky to have parent(s) who won't let her fool around with her life.....and she'll thank you later. I think many kids today aren't as mature as in years past, for various reasons.

A community college is a good place - except watch for the liberal rhetoric (I'm a former elected board member for one, so I know.) She needs to find her "gifts" what God put her here to do - maybe that's where the focus can be. Good luck. IMHO she was testing you, i.e. not reporting her grade even though she knew the rules....she needs to know that a rule is a rule - her kids in the future will benefit! Good Luck. Hang in there. Wish you could help me with my 31 year old married son and his skanky wife....but that's another story.

[Joe 6-pack]

I think you're right on the money. Your ex needs to sprout a little backbone, too, and support your decision. You've gone out of your way, giving her a free ride. It's obvious she does not appreciate it. She's legally an adult at 19...and responsible for herself. At this point, give her nothing (but your love). Make her earn everything else. If you provide her a place to live, make sure she abides by your rules, curfews, etc. If she's not willing to, kick her out. Nothing to make someone face reality, than to make them take responsibility for themselves.

[SamAdams76]

She is failing one class yet is getting A's and B's in all the others? I'm inclined to think you are being too tough on her. But then, I don't know the whole situation (but you asked).

My two sons will be coming of college age soon and I have a similar attitude about paying for their college. I will only pay for their college if they are serious about their studies. I can't afford to throw away $16,000 a year on keg parties and such. College is so darn expensive. Maybe they will do what I did and join the Marines.

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

She needs a size 12 community college kick in the ass. Or you could tell her to get a summer job and pay back all the money for the classes she doesn't get at least a C in.

Hey that aint a bad idea.

[Taliesan]

The day she has to pay her own expenses her character will change dramatically. You do her no kindness to shield her from that day.

[BansheeBill]

My nephew was on the same track about 5 years ago. My sis (his father died) was going to pull him out of a pretty expensive college after a 1st semester similar to your duaghters. He begged to be allowed to stay "with his friends" and said he would try harder the next semester.

Apparently he drank beer, played pickup basketball, ate pizza and hardly attended classes that 2nd semester and flunked out. My sis called the whole year her "$18,000.00 mistake".

He came home took a couple of community college courses over a couple of years and now works for a moving company in middle managemant (kind of) and lives with roommates in an apartment. My sis and I hoped he would go back to college, but he doesn't seem interested. Good luck.

[andrew]

I was a semi-massive screw-up at an expensive private school. I regret that I did not attend to my studies as much as I should have (but it was in New Orleans for Chri#$Skes.) Anyway, it was a phase, in retrospect, and if I had actually paid attention to what they were saying in my American Studies course, I'd likely have become a socialist. Now I have 2 kids, a wife, and am gainfully employed in an intellectually challenging job.

[Texaggie79]

From a 22 year old who has seen this first hand, there is one thing that is a certainty, JOB. This motivates soooo many. I can't tell you whether to deny her another chance or to live up to your threat. But whatever you do, she must get a job to support herself. Either at home, or while at college. Tell her if she wants to go back, she will work to help pay. Remember JOB......

[mykdsmom]

Why? She signed a contract with us before starting school. We upheld our end and she broke hers.

She hasn't exerted any effort to pass this class. I spoke to her prof today and he said that study groups are available that she hasn't attended.

She had a book review that was due 2 weeks ago that she never turned in, he was nice enough to let her turn it in today with no penalty, I don't think he should have done that.

I feel I'm doing her a disservice if I go back on what the agreement was. The lesson here will be that mom will give in if I cry, slam the phone down and don't talk to her.

I don't do that with my 4 and 6 year olds, I try to be consistant with them and her. I feel her dad has let her get away with too much and there lies a lot of the problem.

MKM

[MHGinTN]

If she's 19, she's due to take responsibility for herself.
Her options are getting a job and living at his house, she would be responsible for rent etc. Of course we prefer her to get an education so we've offered community college for now.
Do not spoon feed her any longer. If and when she decides she wants an education, to make life better for herself, she's smart enough to get it done. Stop coddling her and don't pay for an education she doesn't value, you're wasting your hard earned money. It sounds very much like she can only learn the lessons of life the hard way now. Let her do it! Pray without ceasing for her safety, but let her fail.