[truthandlife]

Men won't commit to marriage because they enjoy a sexually active single life in a social climate that doesn't push them to marry, a new report says. Top Stories

Young men are indeed "commitment phobic," which is bad news for young women who want build a family before they get too old, said researchers Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe, who run the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

"The median age of first marriage for men has reached 27, the oldest age in our nation's history," Mr. Popenoe said.

"If this trend of men waiting to marry continues, it is likely to clash with the timing of marriage and childbearing for the many young women who hope to marry and bear children before they begin to face problems associated with declining fertility," he said.

There are several specific reasons for why young men are avoiding marriage, Mr. Popenoe and Mrs. Whitehead said yesterday in their 2002 State of Our Unions report, titled, "Why Men Won't Commit: Exploring Young Men's Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage." The report is based on interviews with 60 single men, 25 to 33, who live in four parts of the country.

Primarily, young men are enjoying a sexually active single life — often with a live-in girlfriend — and "are in no hurry" to marry, the researchers said.

"I'll know when I'm ready," and "Whatever happens, happens," were typical responses by the men.
The researchers also found that young men are often wary of marriage because of worries that they will marry the wrong person, be forced to make too many compromises or take on too many burdens as a husband, or suffer huge losses if the marriage ends in divorce.

An ex-wife will "take you for all you've got" and "men have more to lose financially than women" were common refrains.

What young men aren't worried about is a personal, biological deadline to have children, Mrs. Whitehead said.
"Men see marriage as the final step in a prolonged process of growing up," with children coming along in due time, she said. This isn't true for young women, she said, but young men "don't have much sympathy" for women's fertility problems. "As one man put it, 'That's their issue.'"

Women, meanwhile, have been reminded that their biological clocks are ticking.

In April, Time magazine ran a cover article on how women's fertility declines much earlier — after age 27 — and much faster than most people realize.

A woman's ability to get pregnant drops considerably after age 35, and by age 40 half her eggs are chromosomally abnormal, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. More than 9 million women used infertility services in 1995, the CDC said.

"Advancing age decreases your ability to have children," the American Society for Reproductive Medicine says in a public-service poster, which uses an hourglass-shaped baby bottle with sand to illustrate its point.

Already the median age of first marriage for women has risen to 25, after floating between 22 and 23 for the century between 1890 and 1990, Mrs. Whitehead said.

Traditional social forces, such as the family, religion and the workplace, used to pressure men toward marriage, but that is no longer the case, she said.

With the relaxation of social pressures, coupled with general silence about unmarried couples living together, "men can relax their timetable indefinitely," she said.
This means that it falls to an individual woman to press for marriage, which is why women are more likely to ask for a definition of their relationship or propose marriage to a man, Mrs. Whitehead said.

Mrs. Whitehead, who often laments the dearth of good statistics on marriage, noted yesterday that the new report was only a pilot study on men and said a nationally representative study was needed.

"The federal government," she wrote, "issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life, from what we eat to how many hours we commute each day, but it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage."

[Sloth]

I am a single 27-year-old man, but unlike those in the article I am 1.) not sexually active, and 2.) very aware of decreasing female fertility issues. I want children so I suppose if I am going to marry someone close to my own age I should get busy and find her quick. :)

[Phantom Lord]

If a man wants to continue having a healthy sex life, the last thing he should do it get married.

[nightdriver]

"The researchers also found that young men are often wary of marriage because of worries that they will marry the wrong person, be forced to make too many compromises or take on too many burdens as a husband, or suffer huge losses if the marriage ends in divorce."

Couple this with the feminists attitude, like that stated by Gloria Stienem - "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," and it could make any man back away from codifying a relationship with marriage.

[Diddle E. Squat]

The report is based on interviews with 60 single men, 25 to 33, who live in four parts of the country.

So they visited 4 different bars over 4 nights? 60 is far too small a number to get any kind of valid sample. I could interview 60 single guys from my church and get very different results(though unfortunately probably not as different as it should be).

Not every single guy lacks self-control.

[rageaholic]

I am 36, single, and I just got a Schnauzer puppy. If raising this dog is something like raising a child, I am NOT ready for children. I am totally worn out by this dog.

[freeeee]

The truth is, marriage law is unjust and men know it.

A woman can leave a man for any reason, or no reason at all (which is fine), but then also get "half", no matter who earned it (which is not fine). They get the kids, the house and the car. The man gets stuck with the bill, even if the mother refuses court ordered visitation rights. And no, the court will not enforce visitation orders.

When you leave someone, you leave their bank account too. Women think that marriages come with 'golden parachutes', somehow entitling them to "what they've become accustomed to". They'll even co-habitate with their new boyfriend (possibly the one they were cheating with during the marriage) to avoid marriage so they can keep the alimony payments coming. This liability can ruin a man financially, keeping him from establishing a new family.

As Chris Rock said about alimony, "When you leave a restaurant, you're done eatin. They don't owe you a steak."

Women routinely lie, and get restraining orders against husbands for fictitious acts of abuse. This is seen not only as a bargaining chip in the divorce/child custody proceedings, but it also is an act of revenge. These restraining orders completely lack due process or any need for evidence or probable cause, and rely solely upon the word of a an often vindictive person with every motive to lie, and no consequences for dishonesty. The affected men are denied their 2nd Amendment rights in this case, and their weapons are confiscated.

Even worse, women can cheat on their husbands, have illegitimate children, lie about who the father is, and if the husband finds out, even in the presence of DNA analysis, courts will enforce a child support order against him for children who aren't his. Fraud charges against the wife? Never happen.

Largely due to feminists, marriage law has never adopted from when women weren't able to support themselves. What we have now, is equal rights for women without equal responsibilities. If women are so upset that men won't marry them, then they should be the ones lobbying for marriage law reform. If not, then they can quit complaining when their biological clock runs out.

So why would any sane man voluntarily enter such an unjust contract? Marriage law must be reformed, or men will continue to shun it. The unjustness of marriage law undermines marriage as an institution. If things continue unreformed, marriage may become a relic of the past.

[Ligeia]

The findings in this study might put a crimp in their style:

Spermicide chemical may raise risk of HIV
By LIZ SZABO, The Virginian-Pilot
© June 26, 2002

Spermicides used by millions of men and women worldwide may increase the risk of HIV transmission, rather than prevent it, according to a report released Tuesday by the World Health Organization and a research institute of Eastern Virginia Medical School.

Health authorities are now warning women at high risk of contracting HIV to avoid a chemical called nonoxynol-9, found in at least 18 over-the-counter spermicides sold worldwide. Researchers say the product still works well in preventing pregnancy and isn't a problem for women at a lower risk of contracting HIV, such as non-IV drug users in monogamous relationships.

The ingredient has been used for five decades and is commonly found in a wide range of contraceptives, such as lubricated condoms, gels, creams, foams, suppositories, sponges and films. About 11 percent of American women of reproductive age use products with spermicides, according to Dr. Henry Gabelnick, director of the Contraceptive Research and Development program, an EVMS institute located in Northern Virginia. Continue

[AppyPappy]

I have a lot of friends who never got married because they never saw the need.

[Caipirabob]

The hardest part about committing to a relationship is breaking up with all your girlfriends.

Yakboy - 1996

[JulieRNR21]

Pardon my bluntness but.....This is simply common sense....why should a man buy a cow if he can get the milk for free?

Feminists who bought into 'sexual freedom' only brought this on themselves.

(BTW I'm old enough to remember when sex before marriage and/or having a baby 'out of wedlock' was rarer and was not approved by society!)

[Wm Bach]

Isn't it nice to know that the woman with whom you are
sleeping isn't a festering, STD beslimed swamp? Besides, marriage (sweet mawwage)
has benefits that live far outside the confines of the bedroom.

[aruanan]

Wedded bliss not a priority for U.S. bachelors (because they enjoy a sexually active single life)

Since when was "wedded bliss" equivalent to being "sexually active"?

[VOA]

Some males are "committment-phobic" because they have their eyes open and brains engaged.
It's a sad state of affairs...and accounts for the number of my male friends who've gone
to the foreign "market" for wives.

Of five of them, no divorces after about 20 years of marriage for each couple.

[glory]

Women, namely femisnists, have reaped what they've sown. Enjoy ladies. I feel like I'm a testament to this as well. I ended up marrying a man 8 yrs my senior(I was 26 and he was 34) after dating men my own age for a while who were not interested at all in marriage in thier early 20's.

[Destructor]

"Men won't commit to marriage because they enjoy a sexually active single life in a social climate that doesn't push them to marry, a new report says."

The funny thing is that women still seem to be clueless. As the saying goes, "Why buy the Cow, if you get the milk for free?"

[JMJ333]

"Destroy the family, you destroy the country." -V.I. Lenin

[weikel]

Why let some shrew take half your property and extort you for the rest of her life. It only makes sense to marry up.

[usadave]

The researchers also found that young men are often wary of marriage because of worries that they will marry the wrong person, be forced to make too many compromises or take on too many burdens as a husband, or suffer huge losses if the marriage ends in divorce.

In other words, young men today are wary of marriage for the same reasons that young men in the 1970's, 1950's, 1930's, and 1910's were wary of marriage.

[Nataku X]

Primarily, young men are enjoying a sexually active single life — often with a live-in girlfriend — and "are in no hurry" to marry, the researchers said.

It's hard, there is so much peer pressure going on that no one would blink an eye if I moved in with my boyfriend. Loneliness and lack of sexual fulfillment is the bane of Christian singlehood.

Reading this article made me realize that living with a loved one outside of marriage will make him less likely to buy the cow.

Thanks for posting this. Makes life a little easier for us single girls. Now I'm off to fighting with JDBC for another day at the salt mines...