[Barbie Doll]

I'd take this jerk to the forest, tie him up naked to a pine tree (with rough bark), smear hot bacon grease all over his body and leave him there for the bears...

[baseballfanjm]

Bears would do the job too quick. I'd tie him up, dunk him in water, cover him in sugar, and then disturb the biggest hornets' or bees' nest I could find, then repeat the process. A max of five years is a slap on the wrist for a guy like this.