[VadeRetro]

Therefore, if we shoot both Nadler and Ted Kennedy out of giant space cannons at the asteroid, aimed in such a way as to strike opposite sides of it, the asteroid will surely be crushed between them.

The recoil from shooting Ted Kennedy into space would probably knock us into the sun.

[general_re]

Ah, but I anticipated that, although my post was less than clear, I admit. By "space cannons", I meant "orbital space cannons". Here, I'm envisioning some sort of superconducting magnet/railgun sort of thing, of course.

The main drawback I see is similar to what you point out, though - the possibility that a Kennedy or Nadler might remain almost motionless, as the cannons shot off into deep space in the opposite direction...