Zimbabwe -- When truth is disreputable

Zimbabwe Standard ^ | July 28, 2002 | Brian Latham - "Over The Top"

[Clive]

THE disinformation minister in a troubled central African country has threatened a US-based news broadcaster, accusing it of using 'colonial tactics,' Over The Top has learnt.

It is understood that the American news organisation was left somewhat confused after it was explained that requesting an interview was a colonial tactic.

"This comes as news to us," said a spokesman for the TV broadcaster, "No one has ever told us what 'colonial tactics' are before," he said adding that if asking for an interview was considered an underhand colonial tactic, the whole future of disseminating news would be brought into question. "It will be very difficult to produce balanced news if we're not allowed to interview anyone," he pointed out.

Still, sources within the troubled central African country's disinformation department shrugged off the American broadcaster's concerns.

"It's a simple matter," said a clearly deranged spokesman from the department, "you just make the news up like we do in our own newspapers and TV stations." The disinformation spokesman explained that he used the same principle when writing presidential speeches.

"That's why we describe mass starvation and emergency food aid for six million people as an unqualified success in the field of agrarian reform," he explained.

Still, the point needed explaining just a day before citizens of the troubled central African nation were left scratching their heads and muttering obscenities under their breath when they heard the most equal of all comrades blame food shortages on a group of bewildered grey people inhabiting a small patch of mud between the coasts of Ireland and France.

The most equal of all comrades had also promised an end to all drought due to the unqualified success of shutting down the farms in the troubled central African country.

"That should solve the problem," said a man who'd been queuing for three days in the hope of getting whatever it was he was queuing for. He told OTT that he had no idea what was at the other end of the queue, explaining that the queue was so long he expected it to take at least another day for word to filter back with news of the commodity at the other end.

"Still," he said, "In a way, the most equal of all comrades is right. If half of us die of starvation, there should be enough food left for the survivors." Meanwhile, both the most equal of all comrades and the department of disinformation intensified their efforts to persuade the world that food shortages were another 'colonial tactic' designed to steal the souls of the troubled central African nation's sovereignty. Not that the claim held much sway in food queues around the country. "They can have the soul of our sovereignty, whatever that is," said one miserable woman, "I'll willingly settle for a plate of hot food."

Still, the most equal of all comrades' comment about the soul of the troubled central African country's sovereignty had millions of hungry citizens perplexed. Many wanted to know what sovereignty was, what it was worth and how it could have a soul?

"It sounds like a lot of nonsense to me," said a man 300 metres from the front of a queue, "it sounds to me like he's been smoking something. Did you know that cigarettes are also in short supply?"

At this point a wildly gesticulating man in the queue turned around and pointed out that the only commodity not in short supply in the troubled central African nation was comrades. "We have lots of comrades," he screamed. "If we could export comrades we'd be the wealthiest country in Africa, but the problem is, no one wants comrades because they're worthless."

[Clive]

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[backhoe]

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[happygrl]

Shades of Candide.

[Nuke'm Glowing]

"If we could export comrades we'd be the wealthiest country in Africa, but the problem is, no one wants comrades because they're worthless."

Says it all. And explains our Congress and Senate.