Zimbabwe -- Being last on the list

Zimbabwe Standard ^ | August 4, 2002 | (overthetop By Brian Latham)

[Clive]

INCREASINGLY disturbed leaders in a troubled central African country are said to be preparing to hit back against sanctions imposed by unperturbed leaders of various western nations.

Of particular concern is a list published by the central bank of a small muddy patch in the Irish Sea which names bad people from the troubled central African nation alongside bad people from elsewhere in the world.

Meanwhile, the disinformation minister in the troubled central African nation is said to be particularly angered by the fact that his name, most of his colleagues and the young wife of the most equal of all comrades appear alongside the notorious Gossamer bin Liner on the list.

Mr Bin Liner is a notorious Muslim with a price on his head. He also orchestrated the blowing up of several important buildings in North America by having aeroplanes fly into them at high speed.

Mr Bin Liner's name appeared on the list, together with dozens of other less notorious Muslims, several months ahead of the leaders of the troubled central African nation, a fact that has led to some rivalry and discontent among the elite Pariah Nations' Club. The list also contains names from a strange sounding Asian country, an extremely vexed sort-of-country rich in oil and diamonds in West Africa and more notorious Muslims than most of us thought existed. Still, the leaders of the troubled central African country are angered by the fact that their names appear at the bottom of the list, well beneath the notorious Muslims, the secretive, strange sounding Asians and the crude West Africans with all the diamonds.

"It's a known fact that we should be at the top of the list," said one disturbed leader from the troubled central African country. "It's one thing to fly aeroplanes into buildings, but we'll achieve much the same result without fireballs and red mist."

Meanwhile, another troubled leader vowed that the troubled central African country would respond to the sanctions in kind. "If we can't go there and shop in Harrods and Bloomingdale's, then they'd better watch out," he warned. "Right now we're devising our own plan to stop them coming here to do their shopping at MaiFattie's tuck shop-and if that doesn't send a firm message, nothing will."

At this point a worried aid to the mouth-frothing leader pointed out that due to the shortage of food, MaiFattie was now known as MaiThinnie.

"In that case we'll boot out all the imperialist running dog foreigners who're already here, then see what happens," said the troubled leader, while his audience wiped themselves down.

"Unless they're fraternal revolutionary doctors sent over here by Comrade Fido," he added quickly.

The list caused further consternation when the first of the troubled central African nation's leaders was sent back from the muddy patch in the Irish Sea recently. After a vicious interrogation that included terrifying questions like: "Is this your name?" and "Do you know that you're not supposed to be here?" the victim was placed on an aeroplane and flown home without once being forced to crash into an important building.

Leaders of the troubled central African nation pointed out that the treatment of their colleague amounted to torture and vowed to report the matter to the Pariah Nations' Club-just as soon as the Pariah Nations' Club decided where to situate themselves and who would pay the rent.

Meanwhile, insiders pointed out that even inoffensive and little visited country's close to the Arctic Circle had refused access to leaders from the troubled central African nation, proving that countries famous primarily for being boring were at last sitting up and taking notice of the curious behaviour displayed by the troubled central African nation's self-appointed leaders.

[Clive]

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[daviddennis]

Is the very odd writing style of this due to censorship within the "troubled central African country"?

Why misspell Mr bin Laden's name when it's obvious who he is?

Or is that just humour? I identified other traces of humour in the article; is this Zimawe's Mark Steyn?

Strange article.

D

[Clive]

It is humour.

This column appears weekly and always refers to Zim as a "troubled central African Country"

He refers to Britain as a "small muddy patch in the Irish Sea" or sometimes as a "cold, grey, muddy island between France and Ireland"

He has similar terms for South Africa including "A southern African country with people whose accents sound like a bad cough"

[happygrl]

He has similar terms for South Africa including "A southern African country with people whose accents sound like a bad cough" ...

LOL!!! (It IS an apt description).