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Man Accused Of Mailing Feces, Summons Back To Court (used summons as TP and mailed it back)
koat ^

Posted on 08/22/2002 12:46:09 PM PDT by chance33_98


Man Accused Of Mailing Feces, Summons Back To Court
Gurahian Turns Self In To Face Misdemeanor Charges
Posted: 9:43 a.m. EDT August 22, 2002

HARTFORD, Conn. -- A Connecticut man has been charged with using a jury summons as toilet paper, then sending it in to court officials.

State police say Christopher Gurahian smeared excrement on the document, wrote the words "stop wasting paper" on it, and mailed it back.

Gurahian turned himself in to face misdemeanor charges of harassment and breach of peace. Officials say the summons was not tested to determine if the excrement was from a human or an animal.

Gurahian is free on bail, awaiting a September court appearance.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Extended News; US: Connecticut
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1 posted on 08/22/2002 12:46:09 PM PDT by chance33_98
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To: chance33_98
I've heard of wanting to get out of jury duty, but that's nuts!
2 posted on 08/22/2002 12:48:26 PM PDT by mhking
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To: chance33_98
LMAO! I have so many comments....but I will refrain....:D
3 posted on 08/22/2002 12:48:38 PM PDT by BossLady
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To: chance33_98
"A Connecticut man has been charged with using a jury summons as toilet paper, then sending it in to court officials."

I predict he'll get off, or at the very most have a light fine. CT is a very liberal state, and:

liberals have been using THE CONSTITUTION as toilet paper for years.

4 posted on 08/22/2002 12:53:36 PM PDT by KeyBored
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To: KeyBored
I am thinking guns, registration forms, atf....
5 posted on 08/22/2002 12:55:59 PM PDT by chance33_98
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To: chance33_98
State police say Christopher Gurahian smeared excrement on the document, wrote the words "stop wasting paper" on it

One hopes not in that order.

6 posted on 08/22/2002 12:56:06 PM PDT by steve-b
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To: chance33_98
"Oh, I thought they said 'jury doody'!"
7 posted on 08/22/2002 12:57:18 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: chance33_98
He'll get away Scott free.
8 posted on 08/22/2002 12:58:19 PM PDT by Physicist
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Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: chance33_98
Well, at least they sent the jury summons to somebody who gives a crap.
10 posted on 08/22/2002 1:00:07 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Physicist
LOL!!
11 posted on 08/22/2002 1:01:32 PM PDT by tracer
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To: chance33_98
Gurahian is free on bail, awaiting a September court appearance.

"How do you think they'll restrain him?"

"Depends."

12 posted on 08/22/2002 1:04:59 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Physicist
Wonder if they will send him a reminder in the mail to appear at court...
13 posted on 08/22/2002 1:06:30 PM PDT by chance33_98
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To: chance33_98
Man Accused Of Mailing Feces

I'm sure the judge wants to see this matter rectified.

14 posted on 08/22/2002 1:09:00 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Physicist
He'll get away Scott free.

How Charmin.

15 posted on 08/22/2002 1:09:28 PM PDT by OldSmaj
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To: Physicist
That's Charmin'.
16 posted on 08/22/2002 1:10:56 PM PDT by irgbar-man
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To: Physicist
I hope his case is wiped clean, butt somehow I think this case will stain his record.
17 posted on 08/22/2002 1:11:29 PM PDT by blackdog
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To: OldSmaj
How Charmin

Did I Surpass your expectations?

18 posted on 08/22/2002 1:11:46 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Physicist
This is one of the most hillarious threads IVe seen in a while. Someone should make a list including this thread and some of the stripper/sexual threads that are full of puns every other post!
19 posted on 08/22/2002 1:12:14 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: irgbar-man
That's Charmin'.

Oh, a 2-ply, eh?

20 posted on 08/22/2002 1:14:06 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: chance33_98
If he were a juvenile, his record would be wiped clean by age eighteen.
21 posted on 08/22/2002 1:14:49 PM PDT by jjm2111
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To: jjm2111
If he were a juvenile, his record would be wiped clean by age eighteen.

Even if his record were clean and white, I fear this behavior would leave a (skid)mark on it.

okay, that sucked.

22 posted on 08/22/2002 1:17:21 PM PDT by Hemingway's Ghost
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To: Hemingway's Ghost
The puns are outrageous at times.
23 posted on 08/22/2002 1:20:51 PM PDT by jjm2111
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To: steve-b
State police say Christopher Gurahian smeared excrement on the document, wrote the words "stop wasting paper" on it

Maybe he wrote it with his finger. The feces is mightier than the sword.

24 posted on 08/22/2002 1:21:01 PM PDT by Vetnor
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To: Hemingway's Ghost
Even if his record were clean and white, I fear this behavior would leave a (skid)mark on it.

No, I think he'd arrange to have the records fudged.

25 posted on 08/22/2002 1:21:08 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Physicist
Or multiple attempts.
26 posted on 08/22/2002 1:21:22 PM PDT by irgbar-man
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To: Physicist
this whole thread stinks
27 posted on 08/22/2002 1:23:08 PM PDT by WindMinstrel
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To: steve-b
State police say Christopher Gurahian smeared excrement on the document, wrote the words "stop wasting paper" on it

Maybe he wrote it with his finger. The feces is mightier than the sword.

28 posted on 08/22/2002 1:23:27 PM PDT by Vetnor
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To: Physicist
Standing O for that crack.
29 posted on 08/22/2002 1:24:57 PM PDT by zarf
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To: Physicist
I hear one of the courtroom clerks thought his reply was corny, and another thought it nutty.
30 posted on 08/22/2002 1:25:05 PM PDT by Hemingway's Ghost
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To: chance33_98
State police say Christopher Gurahian smeared excrement on the document, wrote the words "stop wasting paper" on it, and mailed it back.

I wonder whether he sent it via UPS. I mean, once you've made the decision to "go Brown", you might as well do it right.

31 posted on 08/22/2002 1:26:36 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: chance33_98
Charmin ain't all it's cracked up to be.
32 posted on 08/22/2002 1:26:50 PM PDT by Consort
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To: Physicist
Nice anti-Hibernian crack.
33 posted on 08/22/2002 1:28:16 PM PDT by Leisler
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To: chance33_98
Let's see if I have this straight. They send him a jury summons and he gets charged with harassment?
34 posted on 08/22/2002 1:28:30 PM PDT by jackbill
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To: Hemingway's Ghost
I hear one of the courtroom clerks thought his reply was corny, and another thought it nutty.

But both condemned his lack of fiber.

35 posted on 08/22/2002 1:28:40 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: jackbill
only in this case, it's "his"assment.........
36 posted on 08/22/2002 1:29:39 PM PDT by duckbutt
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To: Leisler
(Psst...Caledonian.)
37 posted on 08/22/2002 1:31:10 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: chance33_98
We ought to name this sort of protest The Clinton Defense Strategy, as that's pretty much how he treated Ken Starr's investigation.

FReegards...MUD

38 posted on 08/22/2002 1:31:34 PM PDT by Mudboy Slim
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To: College Repub
Here's a recent one, to which I contributed (reply #5 among others): Cops arrest man wearing bone
39 posted on 08/22/2002 1:31:54 PM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell
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To: chance33_98
I wonder what will be Exhibit A in the trial?
40 posted on 08/22/2002 1:32:44 PM PDT by be131
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To: Physicist
But both condemned his lack of fiber.

Luckily they used a fudge factor and sent out more summonses than were necessary to fill the jury positions. I guess they figured they'd be pooh-pooed by a lot of citizens.

41 posted on 08/22/2002 1:34:29 PM PDT by Hemingway's Ghost
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To: chance33_98
This gives new meaning to 'crack reporting'.
42 posted on 08/22/2002 1:34:38 PM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell
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To: Physicist
Cheeky bastard.
43 posted on 08/22/2002 1:35:29 PM PDT by Leisler
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To: chance33_98
From the old Pepsodent commercial:

You'll wonder where the summons went
when you send it back it with excrement.

(...groan...)

44 posted on 08/22/2002 1:36:20 PM PDT by SGCOS
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To: TrappedInLiberalHell
Hey, they gotta put asses in the seats somehow.
45 posted on 08/22/2002 1:36:23 PM PDT by Hemingway's Ghost
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To: chance33_98
I hear his lawyer was disappointed: he was hoping for a retainer.
46 posted on 08/22/2002 1:38:05 PM PDT by Physicist
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To: Leisler
Cheeky bastard.

Yes, he should have turned the other cheek.

47 posted on 08/22/2002 1:39:10 PM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell
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To: chance33_98
This just in from the Connect_icut PD, home of Joe Loserman...

...the summons was not tested to determine if the excrement was from a human or an animal.

"Hmm, looks like dog $hit.."
"Smells like dog $hit..."
" (thp...thp...thp...)Tastes like dog $hit..."

"Sure glad we didn't step in it..."

48 posted on 08/22/2002 1:40:55 PM PDT by SGCOS
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To: chance33_98
"Gurahian is free on bail, awaiting a September court appearance."

Free on bail? He'll probably just scat right out of town!

49 posted on 08/22/2002 1:42:01 PM PDT by Destructor
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To: chance33_98
If I'm ever put on trial for resisting the power of the almighty state I want this son of a b!tch on my jury.
50 posted on 08/22/2002 1:42:50 PM PDT by DWSUWF
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