Armageddon ahead, please fasten your Bible Belt

There's bad news on the end of the world front. The Rapture Index, which measures end-time activities, has soared to dangerous levels and Bible-Belt America is readying itself for the last trump

Bad news, I’m afraid. The end of the world is nigh. Or at least nigh-ish. I have been checking the Rapture Index (www.raptureindex.com), a kind of Dow Jones for the Apocalypse. It tracks what its compilers call “end-time activities”, and is updated weekly so that those who worry about this sort of thing (they call themselves “end-timers”) can gauge how many years, days or minutes they have to spare before the big whoosh. Naturally, the RI evaluates the customary biblical portents of doom: plagues, famine, drought and so on. But it also includes rather more idiosyncratic signs of when our clattering earthly train will hit the celestial buffers. They range from “drug abuse”, “liberalism” and “false prophet” (ie, the Pope, for whom most end-timers have a big dislike) to “government by the Beast” (any international power-base, such as the UN or the EU) and “the mark of the Beast” (any unified currency such as — you guessed it — the euro).

And, as I said, it’s bad news. Anything below 85 on the RI is regarded as “slow prophetic activity”. That means: relax, make that dental appointment, the Second Coming still hasn’t been scheduled in the heavenly fixture list.

Above 110 and we are into “heavy prophetic activity”. Probably time to quit that dead-end job before it literally becomes a dead end. And if the RI soars over 145, its compilers say, you really ought to fasten your seat belt. The rum-ti-tum-tum of the Last Trump is already echoing round the outer suburbs.

Well, yesterday the RI stood at 170. I don’t like the sound of it. Admittedly, that’s some way below the all-time high of 182, which was recorded (you will be unsurprised to learn) shortly after the World Trade Centre attack. But 170 still sounds dangerously close to Rapture Time.

And if you haven’t got the foggiest notion what Rapture Time is, you aren’t keeping abreast of the fastest-growing and (let us be frank, because time is clearly short) oddest literary phenomenon in the English-speaking world. Two months ago, a newly published thriller called The Remnant went straight to No 1 in the New York Times bestseller list. It was the tenth such book in a series called Left Behind, written by Tim LaHaye, a 76-year-old Californian “prophecy scholar” and Christian evangelist, in conjunction with the novelist Jerry Jenkins.

Novels 6, 7, 8 and 9 also went straight to the top of the bestseller lists when they were published. Indeed, in the wake of September 11 the ninth book — topically titled Desecration: Antichrist Takes the Throne — became the bestselling American novel of 2001, stealing that title from John Grisham for the first time in seven years. In fact, LaHaye and Jenkins have accumulated sales of 33 million in just seven years, and personal fortunes estimated at a very tolerable $50 million each.

Which wouldn’t be so remarkable, except that the Left Behind series transforms into popular fiction a subject not renowned for its page-turning, pulse-racing, fortune-making qualities. We are talking about dispensational premillennialism. (You see? Your eyes are glazing over already.)

It’s a literal belief in the apocalyptic events described in the last, and wackiest, section of the Bible: the Book of Revelation. According to dispensational premillennialists (shall we call them DPs for short?), Christ will return to Earth when he is least expected, sweep off believers in clouds of glory (the Rapture), and leave malefactors, non-believers and “don’t knows” to suffer seven years of catastrophes (the Tribulation) presided over by the most evil man in history (the Antichrist). This period will culminate in a colossal battle in Israel (Armageddon), after which the triumphant Christ will rule in peace for a thousand years (the Millennium) and the world will end.

Of course, it’s not that simple. Some DPs place the Millennium before Armageddon. Some will argue till the end of time (as it were) that Rapture comes after Tribulation. Details, details. You get the general drift.

Even before the extraordinary Left Behind series started selling to Bible-Belt America like . . . well, like there’s no tomorrow, DP theology was gaining ground among born-again Christians. A recent survey found that a quarter of all Americans believe that Jesus will return in their lifetimes, and that nearly two in three believe Revelation’s apocalyptic prophecies to be broadly accurate. Among them, one understands, is President Bush — a comforting thought as he prepares to pulverise the Middle East. And according to the FBI no fewer than 1,500 apocalyptic cults, of greater or lesser crankiness, now flourish in the US, along with more mainstream fundamentalist churches packed with members who also believe that we are close to, or actually in, “end times”.

It is a huge market, which LaHaye and Jenkins have exploited with a cunning that can only be admired. Their books (LaHaye devises the preposterous plots, Jenkins the dreadful dialogue) read like Nostradamus rewritten by Jeffrey Archer and rewritten again by a management consultant who speaks only business jargon.

Thus you get wonderfully clunking lines such as: “He cannot be expected to handle the duties of both the UN and Botswana during this strategic moment in Botswana history, right, Steve?” Or the description of the glamorous heroine, Chloe Steele Williams, as “CEO of International Commodity Co-op, an underground network of believers”. A secret Christian group with a “chief executive officer”? Does it have vice-presidents and personnel directors as well? Still, the Left Behind series doesn’t mess around. Sam Goldwyn advised young film-makers to “begin with an earthquake and work up to a climax”. LaHaye and Jenkins go one better. They begin with the Rapture (a third of the world’s population are snatched up to Heaven, which rather mystifies those who aren’t) and will presumably work up to Armageddon by volume 12.

Meanwhile, volumes 2 to 10 trace the adventures of an intrepid band of yuppie-ish, clean-cut and mostly white American goodies during the intervening Tribulation, as they race round the world in fast cars and helicopters, trying to fight the evil forces of a slimy Romanian monster called Nicolae Carpathia.

It soon becomes apparent that Carpathia is none other than the Antichrist himself. The fact that he is also Secretary-General of the United Nations, and that his wicked stormtroopers are called “Peacekeepers”, tells you rather a lot about what Bible-Belt America thinks of the UN and its peacekeeping operations. Oh yes, and did I mention that his headquarters are in Baghdad? Spooky coincidence, or what? Cities get blown up, armies zapped. And our heroes make amazing escapes on almost every page — none more startling than the episode in the latest book where, pursued by the forces of darkness, they leap into a plane piloted by the Archangel Michael (who turns out, not surprisingly, to be rather good at flying).

So is it all harmless pseudo-theological bunk — Batman meets Billy Graham? I am not so sure. The insidious thing about the Left Behind novels is that, lurking beneath the thrills and spills, they promulgate a distinctly disturbing world view. All international organisations, from the UN downwards, are regarded as fronts for secular humanists who do “the Devil’s work” (quite literally, of course, in these novels). Even the Roman Catholic Church is castigated, which isn’t surprising since, in his nonfiction writing, LaHaye has declared Catholicism to be a “false religion”.

Also lambasted or ridiculed are liberals, ecumenicals and everyone else who is “hoodwinked” by the notion of global peace, harmonious co-existence or disarmament — all regarded as con-tricks perpetrated by the Antichrist. Women in authority are crudely caricatured as stupid or sadistic. Europeans generally are unreliable and untrustworthy. The message is: it’s up to right-minded Americans to get out there and show them, at gunpoint if necessary (and it usually is), that God is boss.

As for the Jews, they are crucial to LaHaye’s plot, because end-timers believe that Armageddon will be brought about by hostile forces mounting a massive attack on the state of Israel. But the Left Behind series makes it clear that the only really OK Jew is a Christian Jew: one who converts and becomes part of Christ’s “soul harvest”.

And there is a chilling Freudian slip in the dialogue, when our heroine Chloe, weighing up the risks of her latest mission, says: “We could lose four people, not to mention all the Israelis we promised to protect.” Er, aren’t Jews people too? I merely ask.

What’s slightly alarming is that millions of decent, intelligent Americans are devouring these books. And not just the books. Left Behind has already spawned one film (a bestseller on video), and a second is on the way. Through its website (www.leftbehind.com) you can also buy Left Behind calendars. Count the days till Rapture! Another end-time website (www.rapturewear.com) offers clothes with a Rapture logo. Apparently they are “a great way to tell people that when Jesus calls His church home, you won’t be left behind”. Thousands of teach-yourself-Rapture booklets are advertised on the internet, including the endearingly named Oops, I Guess I Wasn’t Ready (“what to do if you miss the Rapture”). You can even purchase Left Behind: The Board Game, in which players earn “redemption tokens” that can be cashed in for eternal life once “post-Rapture play” starts.

And although LaHaye and Jenkins are ending their lucrative partnership in two years, when the Left Behind series reaches its apocalyptic conclusion, LaHaye has already landed a new £30 million deal to write a series of novels about a Christian superhero, a kind of born-again Indiana Jones.

Always assuming, of course, that he doesn’t get snatched up to Heaven between now and then. I hope he consulted the Rapture Index before signing his contract.

I SAY UNTO THEE O SINNER WHO HATH PENNED THIS EVIL THAT YE, YES YE, SHALL BURN IN THE FIRES OF HELL WITH SATAN.

Bumping up the Rapture index....(hey, I am christian, I am allowed to poke fun at myself - but if anyone else does it, it is hate! - oh wait, that's the liberal line)

Mat 24:6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
Mar 13:7 And when ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars, be ye not troubled: for [such things] must needs be; but the end [shall] not [be] yet.

Luk 21:9 But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass; but the end [is] not by and by.

The end comes when people are saying "peace", not "war".

Amo 8:11 Behold, the days come, saith the Lord GOD, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD:

The famine of the end times is not for bread, but for truth.

What’s slightly alarming is that millions of decent, intelligent Americans are devouring these books

Actually, what I find more than slightly alarming is that millions of Americans are aborting their children....

And people have been claiming that it's the " end times ", simce the Apostles went on the road. Somehow, 2,000 + years, with someone, somewhere, screaming that ' THE END IS NIGH ", is more than a bit much. It's also blasphemous. Jesus stated that NO ONE will know when it is " end times ".

It is not that difficult to understand, people were told to watch for the signs, so people did and some believed that the end times were near - the book of revelations has been seen by some as a guide through the ages until the end in so much as it is cyclical - it has a message for each generation to listen to in their dark hours that there is hope. You are right that we do not know when, the Lord can extend that time as he sees fit if mankind repents.

Some see revelations as an analogy to their own life struggles, others to the struggles of countries and ideas through the ages, and some to the church. Agree with it or not (the book) it has guided many in their darkest hour by showing that there is triumph in the end.

And because we do not know when the end is, and because the lord told us to watch for the signs, it should then be no surprise that publications/sermons/etc should be prevelant through the ages on the topic - some only want to make sure they are watching so as not to be caught unawares.

I do think the mass marketing thing is a bit much :) Although to be honest, would rather see movies about that then some of the liberal crap I see all over the place!

And people have been claiming that it's the " end times ", simce the Apostles went on the road.

Jesus did say "it is finished" when he was on the cross. So I believe the end started there. The latter days are now though, IMO. I think there's a difference between the end and the latter days. Of course each generation did not pass away until the end came, for the end comes when you die, no matter when it comes for the living. Each person that has died has taken his or her test and is ready for the millenium..

Somehow, 2,000 + years, with someone, somewhere, screaming that ' THE END IS NIGH ", is more than a bit much. It's also blasphemous. Jesus stated that NO ONE will know when it is " end times ".

But as my previous post show, He gave us clues as to the season. While we hear of wars, the very end is not close. When we hear "peace and security", watch out. We don't know the day and hour but we are to watch for the season.

I won't give money to ant liberals, nor will I watch / read / listen to liberal garabge.

The Book of Revelations ( which I have read several times, in my life ) has been abused and ill used, by many people, for their own vainglorious agendas. Far too many Christians, throughout millenia, have thought themselves to be more knowing than Jesus. He said that NO ONE, not a single human being, would know when the end would come. What good does it do to speculate / claim that " THE END IS NIGH " , when it is then proven that it isn't ? That makes people skeptical and some to lose faith.

Me ? I'll just wait for GOD to make that decission. I don't fear GOD's will.

Too late! Enoch was raptured. Elijah was raptured. Jesus Christ (aren't we to follow in His likeness?) was raptured.

No rapture in the way rapturists put forth, that 1/3 of the world's population is going to disappear leaving everyone else wondering what happened. It's not going to happen.

Same old same old, and your very own interpritation of the Christ's words ? I'm not impressed. THis is exactly what I'm talking about.

Believe whatever you want to. The spreading of this junk, especially when it earns anyone money and / or power, is blasphemous.

What good does it do to speculate / claim that " THE END IS NIGH " , when it is then proven that it isn't ? That makes people skeptical and some to lose faith.

If that's all it takes for a person to lose faith, they probably didn't have that much to begin with. We need to know when the season is near so that we are not fooled by the antiChrist. He's going to pretend to be Messiah. If we don't know that the end is not yet, we may be fooled.

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