(Pinging Travis 'cause he's the one that originally told me)
The three perpetual truths of religion are as follows:
Jews will never recognize Jesus of Nazareth as the Messiah.
Protestants will never recognize the Pope as the temporal leader of all Christians.
Baptists will never recognize each other at Hooter's or in a liquor store.
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up."
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"
The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."