I'M NOT A POLITICAL SCIENTIST, BUT I PLAY ONE ON TV

The Iconoclast ^ | October 28, 2002 | William Grim

[clintonbaiter]

William Grim's
AMERICA WATCH

I'M NOT A POLITICAL SCIENTIST, BUT I PLAY ONE ON TV

by William Grim
Iconoclast Contributing Editor (www.iconoclast.ca)

Lost among all the idle chatter about the War on Terror and the Beltway snipers has been an announcement that is more important than anything so far in history. We're talking Second Coming, the Eagle has landed, "Dr. Livingston, I presume" importance. Christina Aguilera, the Nordic-looking Latina pop star, announced last week that she "enjoys sex."

I don't know about you, but my life was completely changed by Ms. Aguilera's announcement. For you see, for many years I have been harboring a secret, the shame of which has caused me no untold amount of grief, loss of self-esteem and guilt. I, too, enjoy sex. There, I've said it. For years I felt completely alone, believing that I was the only person in the entire world who enjoyed sex. While there are therapists and support groups for sex addicts, there's no 12-step program I'm aware of for people who just like a good roll in the hay every now and then but who aren't afflicted with nymphomania or satyriasis. But then Christina Aguilera made her heroic announcement that she, too, enjoys "making the beast with two backs" and now I feel better about myself. My life has finally been affirmed and validated by a bona-fide celebrity.

But seriously, folks, why do we in the Western world allow our lifestyle choices, book selections and political philosophies to be influenced by anorexic sluts with boob jobs, overweight homegirls whose only talent is an ability to cry on cue, and Ethel Merman wannabes married to Aamco salesmen who can't spell any better than Huckleberry Finn? It is because the sickness of the 21st century is celebrity-philia, an unnatural and unhealthy attraction to people whose only claim to fame is that they are famous. Celebrity-philia causes those afflicted with it to abandon their own individuality -- what Freud would call loss of ego -- to the point that the sufferer begins to emulate the celebrity object of his or her infatuation.

Now having a role model is not necessarily a bad thing. Even hero worship, in moderate doses, can have its positive effects. I have always contended that there would be far fewer intractable problems in the minority community if young black persons would emulate Duke Ellington, Jackie Robinson and Dr. George Washington Carver rather than Snoop Doggy Dogg, Latrell Sprewell and Dr. Dre. But even positive hero worship has its limits. Yes, every talented baseball player should try to duplicate Babe Ruth's approach to hitting the ball; but maybe they would be wise not to emulate the Bambino's personal life.

I find it unbelievable that anyone gives a second thought to the political opinions of Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, Bono, or whatever Baldwin brother is currently starring in a bad movie. Sure, Babs can belt out "People" to beat the band, and I do have to admit that one of my favorite films is "What's Up, Doc," but Yentl as political philosopher? I think not. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me Madison, Hamilton, Jefferson, Adams, Cicero and Bill Buckley.

Now the reverse is also true. I think that Bill Buckley is one of the best writers and political thinkers of the past century. But if I need a heart transplant, I'm going to Dr. Michael DeBakey and I really don't care whether he's a Republican or Democrat. Likewise, I've written a couple of screenplays that have ideal roles for Alec Baldwin and I just can't imagine Bill Buckley filling in, even though I'm sure the off-camera banter would be far more enlightening than Baldwin's.

One of the problems with celebrity-philia is that its bad effects are exacerbated by politicians. By their very nature, politicians are empty shells who seek political office in order to complete their personalities. They love being in the limelight and they enjoy being around other famous people in order to pick up the additional vicarious limelight of their fellow celebrities. And Hollywood types love to hang around politicians because they believe that it lends them "gravitas." (I've violated my personal ten-year ban on using the word "gravitas," but I hope all of you will excuse me since I surrounded it with ironic quotation marks.)

Why should we give a damn what Bono thinks about Third World debt? I don't like rock, but I'd feel the same if Renee Fleming or Diana Krall began to pontificate on American foreign and fiscal policy. Sure, they're entitled to their opinions, and I'd defend to the death their right to express their opinions freely, but their ideas don't have any special value just because they're great looking babes who can sing respectively the operas of Richard Strauss and the songs of Irving Berlin better than anyone else.

And Bono is a very rich guy. So if he feels so committed to ridding the Third World of debt, why doesn't he just liquidate his assets and pay off the IOUs of Burkina Faso or Guineau-Bissau? Bono's heart may be in the right place, but let's face it, Ludwig von Mises he ain't. The Irish rock star doesn't realize that Third World debt is largely the result of Third World corruption, stupidity and lawlessness. Forgiving their debt isn't going to change Third World thievery and skullduggery.

Then there's Babs. Poor old over-the-hill Babs. At 60 she's too old to be a pop star, her movie career is in the tank, and her show business future rests largely in Branson, Missouri and guest spots on "The Love Boat" if that TV series is ever revived........

[clintonbaiter]

More wisdom from Wiliam Grim, this time about today's celebrity big mouths.