real superheros vote Republican!
Today, Political cartoons are quick of wit but more a " in your face" moment of satire. They creatively and quickly reduce one timely newstory into a pictorial editorial with personal political undertones. The DC comics of Batman and Superman were an onset to a more "Unbiased" approach to the News.. offering a choice of ideologies.
Heh, heh... talk about dredging up a memory:
What If?
Joan Face.....Jane Curtin
Kevin Temple.....Garrett Morris
Eileen Houton.....Gilda Radner
Hitler.....Michael Palin
Lois Laneoff.....Laraine Newman
Jimmy Olstein.....Al Franken
Klaus Kent/Uberman.....Dan Aykroyd
Jor-El.....John Belushi
Mr. Kent.....Bill Murray
Joan Face: Good evening, I'm Joan Face. Welcome again to "What If?" Each week on the show, we ask a hypothetical question about a specific historical event. Tonight's question, like all our questions, comes from a Mr. Kevin O'Donnell, age 10, a paperboy from Alton, Illinois. Kevin asks, "What If Superman grew up in Germany, instead of America?" With us to help answer this question is our panel of experts: Brigadier General Kevin Temple, and Eileen Houton, Professor of Modern Histroy at Wellesly College, and owner of one of the largest comic book collections in the United States. Professor Houton, what if Superman grew up in Germany instead of America?
Eileen Houton: Well, Joan, as you know, Superman's father, Jor-El, sent the infant Superman from Krypton toward the planet Earth, where he landed in Kansas, sometime around 1930. Superman adopted the philospohies of his new parents, the Kents: truth, justice, and the American way. Now, if he had landed in, say, Prussia, he would have adopted entirely different values.
Joan Face: So, what you're saying is that the young Superman may well have become a Nazi?
Eileen Houton: Exactly!
Joan Face: Well, of course, we should remember that at the time Superman was reaching manhood, Germany was at war with the United States. General, what would have happened if the Man of Steel had fought for the Third Reich?
Kevin Temple: Wait a minute, why didn't Superman fight for us?
Joan Face: This is a hypothetical question, General.
Kevin Temple: Oh.. oh, yes.. I'm sorry.. Um..
Joan Face: Well, here's tonight's dramatization of: What if Superman had grown up in Germany instead of America?
[ dissolve into presentation ]
[ SUPER: Berlin, 1943 - The Chancellory Headquarters of the Third Reich ]
[ open on Hitler giving a speech ]
Hitler: The Russians are swine! Just one step above the Poles! Two steps above the Gypsies! Four steps above the Homosexuals! Five steps above the Negros! Nine steps above the Dwarves! Fifteen steps above the Gypsy Homosexuals! Twenty-seven steps above the Negro Gypsy Homosexual Dwarves! And forty-three steps above the Jews! Did I mention the Homosexual Jews? [ is assured he has ] Right! The meeting is over!
Generals: Heil, Hitler!
[ the Generals rise from their chairs and exit the Chancellory Headquarters.. except for one General who pauses to leave a ticking briefcase on the counter ]
Hitler: [ presses intercom ] Frau Guston, who is waiting to see me?
Voice on Intercom: Colonel Klink, and those three reporters from the Daily Planet.
Hitler: Send in the reporters!
[ the reporters are shown in ]
Reporters: Heil, Hitler!
Hitler: Well, I wish to praise your propaganda work in the newspaper! [ points to Lois ] Your must be..?
Lois Laneoff: Lois Laneoff, Mein Fuhrer. Und this is Jimmy Olstein.
Hitler: Olstein?!
Jimmy Olstein: E-Y-N, Mein Fuhrer! Dutch ancestors on my father's side!
Lois Laneoff: Und this is Klaus Kent.
Hitler: Klaus Kent! Aren't you the man who beat Jesse Owens in '36?
Klaus Kent: Ya.
Lois Laneoff: You, Klaus? You're such a clumsy bumbler.
Klaus Kent: Yes, Lois. But I was younger then.. now, I'm just a mild-mannered clerk for the Ministry of Propaganda. [ Klaus turns and notices the ticking briefcase sitting on the counter - he uses his X-ray vision to discover a bomb inside ] Excuse me, Mein Fuhrer? Is that a janitor's closet?
Hitler: Ya.
Klaus Kent: Excuse me for a moment. [ Klaus ducks inot to janitor's closet, where he removes a piece of kryptonite and summons Jor-El ]
Jor-El: [ appearing ] My Son. My Son. I am your father, Jor-El. Your mother and I have sent you to Earth the only survivor of Krypton. As you hear this, I will have been dead many centuries, but I will reborn as Charlie Rich. On the planet Earth you have special powers and knowledge, which will separate you from mankind. Use these powers only for good, and above all you must never tamper with the destiny of man. And don't eat junk food. [ disappears ]
[ Klaus uses the kryptonite to summon his Earth father, Mr. Kent ]
Mr. Kent: My Son. When your Vearth mother und I found you in the Black Forest, we raised you as our own. We taught you how to battle at Versailles. How Jews are parasites. And how Germany vill one day bring order to the vorld. Und don't, Son, ever lift those Volkswagens by the bumper - come right off in your hand. [ disappears ]
Klaus Kent: Ya! He's right! I will use my powers for the fatherland. For I am.. [ strips off his Earth clothes to reveal his supercostume ] ..Uberman!
[ "Superman Theme" plays, as Uber-Man crashes through the janitor's closet ]
Hitler: Wha..?
Uberman: Excuse me, Mein Fuhrer! Stand back! There's a bomb in this briefcase! [ throws bomb to the floor, then dives on top of it. The bomb explodes, smoke rises, and Uberman stands up unharmed. ]
Hitler: You smothered the bomb with your body, and you're not even bleeding! Who are you?
Uberman: I am.. Uberman! I have superhuman powers, and I fight for untruth, injustice, and the Nazi way! And I have X-ray vision!
Lois Laneoff: X-ray vision? Can you see through my clothes?
Uberman: Ya! And through his, too. [ points at Jimmy Olstein ] He's a Jew!
Jimmy Olstein: No! No, it's not true! My parents were just very advanced in hygeine, that's all..!
Hitler: Silence! Guard, take this Jew away!
Uberman: No need! I'll drop him off at the camp on my vay to the Eastern front!
[ Uberman grabs Jimmy Olstein and flies out the window ]
Hitler: What an amazing stroke of luck. We might win this whole war!
[ cut to footage of troops marching - newspaper headline reads: "Uberman Takes Stalingrad in 5 Minutes"; second headline reads: "Uberman Rounds Up 2 Million Jews"; third headline reads: "Uberman Kills Every Person in England, U.S. Next" ]
[ dissolve back to the "What If?" studio ]
Joan Face: Well, that looked pretty grim. I guess we would have lost the war.
Kevin Temple: Not necessarliy, Joan. As you know, Joan.. Superman, or Uberman, is vulnerable to one thing: kryptonite. The U.S. would have put all its energy into creating a kryptonite bomb in time to stop Uberman.
Eileen Houton: And after the war, with the entire British isles wiped out, it may well have become the Jewish homeland, and Israel would be in England today.
Joan Face: Ah. Well, thank you very much, General Temple, Professor Houton. Join us next week when we pose the question: "What if all women had schnauzer faces?"
*********************************
Q. What do you get if you run Batman and Robin over with a steamroller?
A. Flatman and Ribbon.
real superheros vote Republican!
Same thing with Batman. He was a Republican, when he thought the fate civilization was at risk, because of street crime and high taxes. Things are cool in Gotham now, and he's more laid back. Democrats like millionaire contributors and so do chicks like Vicki Vale, so he's only too happy to play along. The "lone vigilante" thing was getting kind of tiresome anyway.
Spiderman is a Democrat, but he'll probably outgrow it. Aquaman has to be a Democrat, but if the Flash still has that buzz cut, he's probably GOP all the way.
International Gorillay (1990)
Starring: Mustafa Qureshi, Babra, Ghulam Mohiudin, Javed Shaikh, Neeli, Afzal Khan
Director: Jan Mohammad
Synopsis: Sensational epic where dastardly Salman Rushdie sets out to destroy Islam
Reviewed by: Omar KhanThis epic creation made headlines when the British censors refused to allow it a certificate thus officially banning the film outright along with the infamous video nasties. However a month later, following a letter by Salman Rushdie himself, the ban was lifted and Gorillay became perhaps the first film from Lollywood to be screened on mainstream British television.
The film is a fabulous concoction and shows the Islamic world tottering on the brink of an abyss. Rushdie is leading the assault on Islam with his Satanic Verses and is targeting Pakistan (the "fortress" of modern day Islam) because once mighty Pakistan is dealt with, the rest of the Islamic world will hardly stand a chance. Rushdie plans to drive the final nails into the coffin of Islam by opening a new chain of Casino's and Disco's spreading contemptable vice and debauchery. Mustafa Qureshi, hen pecked to death by his demented wife, decides to call it a day with his day job at the Police station and induct his unemployed brothers to create a Mujahid (God's soldiers) trio whose sole aim is to seek out and destroy the despised Salman Rushdie before he manages to destory all virtue and decency on the planet. The trio have a personal axe to grind as their beloved family cherub was recently slaughtered by Rushdie's men while protesting Satanic Verses.
Mustafa Qureshi is quite superb as the vengeful elder brother and leader of the Mujahids. Ghulam Mohiuddin delivers a typically charismatic performance, charged with raw power and brooding machismo (!). Javed Shaikh is at his very best - meaning barely tolerable, but it is Gulloo who shines with his spectacular dialogue delivery. Neeli provides a little sparkle and delivers her punch lines with oomph and vigour. Babra plays Dolly, the evil English henchwoman of Rushdie who eventually sees the light and embraces the righteous path in a spectacular scene of dazzling special effects that will have Hollywood turning green with envy. Salman Rushdie, played with great relish by Afzal Khan is of course a man of unsurpassed evil and tortures his hapless victims by forcing them to listen to chapters from his fatwa-inducing book! - a fate worse than death itself.
The film is maniacal high farce and a laugh-a-minute caper as the three Mujahids go undercover to try to discover the evasive Rushdie even showing up in Batman outfits on one occasion to outwit their nemesis…….very appropriate undercover gear as surely nobody would find it at all odd to see three rather portly middle aged men wandering around in Bat-suits!
There are numerous spectacular fight sequences with tons of stunts, explosions and rocket launching in evidence. Neeli and Babra perform some rather atrocious dances to dire sub-disco numbers…..though Madame Noor Jehan is irresistible when she coos "Oh no" in that inimitable sultry manner of hers. The film moves along at a rollicking pace and sizzles with its sheer intensity and dynamism. The direction is sledgehammer subtle as is the norm for Punjabi cinema and the one-liners have to be delivered slowly and deliberately and sometimes even three times in a row so as to not miss their point!
A quite masterful and brilliantly opportunistic film that manages to expertly fictionalize the entire Salman Rushdie Satanic Rites issue and present it as a demented pseudo-religious fairy tale - a stroke of rare genius. An historic Lollywood masterwork not to be missed at any cost.