Posted on 11/12/2002 2:12:32 PM PST by Johnny Shear
Love it or leave it. The case for California secession
Aw, Bushit. We're out of here.
All right, take your fingers away from covering your eyes and stop that sobbing. It's over. The 2002 election, that is. I don't know which was uglier. Bush's smug smile or staying up way too late watching the rest of the country scream at us to eat their dust as they peeled out with an incredibly hard right turn leaving the state of California sitting all by our lonesome as the last remaining residents of Liberalville.
It was de-evolution in action. Like Cro Magnon Man dropping down to all fours and feverishly attempting to stick his tail back on. What you saw was a group of potential survivors vote themselves off the island of progress. We get to stay. Yes, yes, yes, I know, we're the real problem here. Not a single Republican voted into statewide office. We're the ones out of step with the rest of the nation. Out of Goose Step with the rest of the country.
So, why not step even further out. Just split. Leave the nest. 50- 49 = 1. Face it, they don't like us. And we don't need them. We got the food. We got the wine country to wash it down with. We got the movies, the Disneyland, the Yosemite, the Death Valley, the Sierras, the otters, the Humboldt County. We could use a flag and some money, but otherwise, we're set.
If you ask me, they need us a hell of a lot more than we need them. We miss anything bad enough, we simply replace it. New York? Couple more skyscrapers and Sacramento becomes a major metropolis. Only difference: folks smile and wear shorts. You want gambling? We build us our own Las Vegas located somewhere more conducive to human existence than a desert. What else: you want Chicago? Just dirty up Bakersfield a little.
Why not secede? (Wait, let's encode it so they don't know what we're talking about. C-Seed. Tell ‘em it’s a new insecticide.) Why not C-Seed? Bush won't stop us. It's not like he'd lose sleep canceling all those planned trips to northern California. Subtract our electoral votes from the equation and his re-election is more secure than cold spot welded door rivets in a glue factory. He could move back to Crawford and nap until November 2004. Let Dick and Condi attack whichever small defenseless country they want. Be easy to sneak the bill through Congress. Call it "USA Bill To Deny Democrats 54 Electoral Votes Every 4 Years."
Remember how the Feds laughingly flipped us off when the Texas energy corps held us down and mugged us for more than $20 billion? You really looking forward to 2-to-6 more years of that? Of California women worrying themselves sick every time a Supreme Court Justice coughs, wondering if this is the end of Roe vs. Wade? Of Ashcroft's stormtroopers contradicting the will of our people by knocking over wheelchairs to confiscate a couple ounces of herb? Bush wants regime change so bad? I got his regime change right here.
With the seventh largest economy in the world we get instant credibility. No disrespect, but this isn't like Alabama or Iowa going solo. Probably rack up new immigration applications like we were giving away free beer at a frat party. You want commitment to environmental protection, education reform, and a woman's right to choose, Californy is the place you ought to be. So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly. Its a win-win. We got a lot going for us. And here's just a couple more examples.
10 MOST BITCHIN REASONS CALIFORNIA BECOMING ITS OWN COUNTRY WOULD BE SO COOL.
10. Four words: Vice President Nancy Pelosi.
9. State and local legislatures already extremely comfortable setting foreign policy.
8. Our own armed services. Eastwood, Schwarzenegger, Stallone or Willis in charge?
7. Opening weekend foreign distribution movie figures go way up.
6. You want a war. I got a war for you. We invade Florida for orange juice supremacy. Then take on Wisconsin for that whole cheese deal. Then France. For the wine? No, for the hell of it. Because now it’s in our blood.
5. Our own intelligence agency. Imagine the allure of an assignment to one of our undercover cells in Reno.
4. Can extradite and convict Enron CEO, Ken Lay, at our own war crimes tribunal.
3. We charge a fee on every foreigner trying out as a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune." Call it a stupid tax.
2. Bechtel (a California based concern) builds a Great Wall right down the middle of Lake Tahoe. Screw the corner. Straight line. North to south.
1. We outlaw Fox News as a foreign propaganda tool.
1. Large numbers of Liberal Leftists from somewhere east of the Rockies moved in in droves. The typical M.O. was to either stay after going to Stanford, Cal, UCLA, USC etc or to be recruited in by the high tech companies. Whereas the typical Silicon Valley company of the early 80s was quite literally peopled by "Silicon Valley Cowboys" the ones of today have upturned noses and hallways resonating with Ivy League brogues.
2. The aforementioned Communists in Yuppie clothing made darn sure that illegal aliens would be welcomed and then made citizens (or, as recent vote fraud suggests... not!) and then, brainwashed into believing that the Right were racists (as opposed to assimilationists) ergo the positive feedback loop and subsequent status as "occupied California."
TAKE BACK CALIFORNIA!
Money, yeah that's it, it grows on trees doesn't it? It's fun watching nervous break downs, who knew?
The rest of the country just didn't get it, right??
But seriously, every family has the "Crazy Aunt" - for the USA, its Kookiefornia; for the White House Press Corps, its Betty Thomas, Jawja has Cindy 'Dubya knew' McKinney, etc. etc. We need to keep San FranFreako and Hollywierd around for laughs at least.
-PJ
We build us our own Las Vegas located somewhere more conducive to human existence than a desert.
Good luck. You won't build enough power plants to keep your cities lit because dumbasses like you are worried it might endanger the frilly tufted butterfly, but you're gonna have enough power for another Vegas?
Let Dick and Condi attack whichever small defenseless country they want.
Clever. Your pathetic state would be closest, how about we start there? I'm sure you and the other unarmed dumbasses would be a lot of help stopping us.
Remember how the Feds laughingly flipped us off when the Texas energy corps held us down and mugged us for more than $20 billion?
But seceding will really get you a lot of help. I'm sure we'd stumble over ourselves to help a country that insults us and then tells us what we can charge. Oh, ok, we probably would.
Of California women worrying themselves sick every time a Supreme Court Justice coughs, wondering if this is the end of Roe vs. Wade?
Dumbass. If Roe vs. Wade is overturned, you can write your state abortion laws any way you like. Take five f***ing minutes on the internet and you could learn that.
Of Ashcroft's stormtroopers contradicting the will of our people by knocking over wheelchairs to confiscate a couple ounces of herb?
You mean the Clinton-era policy of ignoring state laws allowing medical marijuana? Or the 100,000 new police Clinton put on the street, over half of them paid for out of DEA/ONDCP programs? Dumbass.
Probably rack up new immigration applications like we were giving away free beer at a frat party.
Immigration applications? Who the hell applies for immigration when you won't prosecute the line jumpers. Probably a dumbass like you.
Actually, if their "C-Seeding" caught on in the rest of the country, they'd be speaking Texan in half that time.
No, this guy is simply stupid. California is out of touch with the rest of the Country, but we could still use the land. Lets get rid of the PEOPLE in California and we can keep the 50 states. Now, Im sure there are some good people in CA, so there will be an adjustment period while we seperate the Michael Moores from the Lee Marvins. The *gag* Julia Roberts' from the Kathy Irelands, the US Navy at Pt. Mugu from the San Francisco crossdressing, allah worshiping, diversity championing medical marijuans clinic. Thats better than giving the liberals their own state, IMHO.
No, whatever state YOU are in will do just fine.
Uh excuse me but the people of the great state of California voted for Proposition 187, in favor 3 to 1 which would have put a stop to tax paid support of illegal aliens and OUR Federal government stepped in after we won our free election and burned our ballots and declared our election illegal..
And your response is?
And here's hoping you choke on your crank. In what ever non descript state you may be in.
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