What would Jesus drive? Oh, please

Detroit Free Press ^ | November 22, 2002 | Tom Walsh

[riley1992]

Watch it, Flyboy. I'm not the one who grew up in Hillbilly Heaven.

[dakine]

You notice how fast I left!!

[RichGuy]

I had an old Mercury Montery that the door wouldn't stay closed on when I was a teenager. I took it to a welding shop to have the door welded shut. The guy looked at me like I was an idiot, then he took a good sized hammer and whacked the door post with an uppercut and the door worked fine thereafter. He said that several hundred thousand slammings of the door will shift the post a bit. One good whack with a hammer may have fixed your problem.

[Destructor]

What's the closest modern equivalent to an ass? An old Pinto, or Mustang maybe?

[par4]

Ya' learn something new every day - whenever I saw WWJD, I thought it meant

"Who Wants Jack Daniels?"

[riley1992]

One good whack with a hammer may have fixed your problem.

That could fix a number of my problems but that's another thread entirely.

[uncbob]

A 2002 RAM 1500 4X2 Reg Cab Short Bed with the new HEMI
At least that is what I am going to get and since I am sure Jesus had good taste He would too
No wimpy ricemobile for Him

[Rodm]

The LORD Jesus Christ will be riding a white horse!

Why doesn't the NCC know this?

I guess they have not read or more important believed the Bible. The NCC thinks they can save the earth from SUVs et al but God is more concern with saving the souls of men. God will create a new heaven and earth. Should we be good stewards of what we have? Sure, we should, but we can not save the earth.

11 ¶ And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. 12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. 13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. 14 And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. 15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. 16 And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

[zoso82t]

This white horse?

[LS]

Although God did drive Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a [Plymouth] Fury, but the sound of Moses' Triumph could be heard through the hills.

[Prodigal Son]

Some say that God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in His Fury

Nice one...

[tax]

The thrust of their argument is "What Would Jesus Drive?"

Now, it's not my intent to begin a flame war about the merits of any
particular religious beliefs but this is a question that deserves an
answer, IMHO.

I have come up with several possibilities. This exercise requires that
you suspend belief in the notion that automobile had not yet been
invented in Jesus' time. After all, those who would try to influence car
buying decisions using religious precepts have to be a couple of wafers
short of a communion anyway.

I apologize in advance to any of you who consider this post a form of
blasphemy; I just can't help but formulate these answers...

1. He's got to drive a new SL500. Who amongst us hasn't seen one and
thought "Sweet Jesus, that's a beautiful car!"

2. He might drive an old VW microbus, complete with vinyl flower decals
and a peace symbol painted on the side with a can of spray paint. The
most common likenesses of Jesus depict him with long hair and a
beard...a true representation of the 1960s hippie.

3. It's possible He drives a 1970s GM car with a load of hydraulics
under the hood and in the trunk. He (in this example) lives in East L.A.
and his name is pronounced "Hay-Sueuss" and that tank can lift its
13-inch wheels about three feet off the tarmac.

4. There are those who will declare that the late Janis Joplin got it
right...the Lord DID buy Him a Mercedes Benz. His disciples may have
driven Porsches, however, according to the song.

5. There is a school of thought that insists He would drive either a
minivan or a seven-passenger SUV although this would mean leaving five
of his disciples at home. It is possible, using this thinking and
following it to its natural conclusion, that he actually would drive a
small bus or maybe a 37-foot diesel pusher motorhome, so that they all
could travel together.

6. My personal observation is that he probably drives a late-model
Buick, often in the fast lane of the interstate highway at 55 mph, with
his left blinker flashing for several miles. I know this to be the case
because I've actually heard other drivers shout: "Jesus Christ, get out
of the way!" This is not to be confused with the similar epithet,
"Jesus, where did you learn to drive?" which is perhaps more generic.

Feel free to add your own speculations on this important question. Maybe
collectively we can find an answer to this burning issue.

[keats5]

Revelation 10:11 syas he's going to ride a white horse the next time we see Him.

My heros have always been cowboys...

[Saundra Duffy]

God is puking.

[Norman Conquest]

Anyone who can change water into ethanol -- or gasoline -- doesn't need to worry about fuel efficiency.