[DonQ]

Inheritance fights, perhaps second only to divorce & custody fights, are the nastiest form of litigation. People really become over-involved in squeezing the last drop out of the old rind. In many instances, if they spent as much effort in taking care of grandma as they do in squabbling over the inheritance, grandma would still be with us.

Someone I know now has been keeping up an inheritance fight over her mother's estate for six years since her mother's death. She is entitled by the will to an equal share with her two sisters - uncommonly generous of mom considering that this one hardly visited while the two sisters shared the caretaking duties for a decade. The two sisters, being in the same state with mom's will and assets, are the executors. They pretty much offered a quick three-way division, but my friend is obsessed with the notion that the sisters have padded their expense accounts or something -- if they did, it couldn't be by much, they're charging a tenth of what a bank or lawyer would charge. My friend, against everyone's advice, is spending 100% of her money to fuss over 5% of her mom's money, and, while this prolonged litigation is going on, the entire estate is boiling away (because the sisters are legally entitled to pay their legal fees out of the estate) so even if she wins, my friend's one-third will be much less than what she was originally offered. I should add that by carrying on (and on and on) this lawsuit, my friend is no longer being spoken to by ANY of her relatives.

One of the reasons that inheritances are now so unreliable (if, indeed, they were ever reliable) is that people are now living so much longer after retirement. They live long enough to use up their savings. They could live for years in a nursing home environment, and nursing homes charge the earth (and to qualify for a public subsidy for nursing home care, the elderly person must become pauperized), leaving very little to inherit. There is also the possibility that an aged parent might remarry, which would shift the majority of the inheritance to the spouse.

[grania]

One of the reasons that inheritances are now so unreliable (if, indeed, they were ever reliable) is that people are now living so much longer after retirement. They live long enough to use up their savings.

Good for them!! Better they spend the money on the world cruise they never took or a nice, safe car that will only be driven a few thousand miles a year then give it to the kids to spend on junk to fill their mini-mansions.

They could live for years in a nursing home environment, and nursing homes charge the earth (and to qualify for a public subsidy for nursing home care, the elderly person must become pauperized), leaving very little to inherit.

The solution here is simple. Some child could actually make a sacrifice, live with the elder folk, take care of their needs and take a fair montthly stipend to do that. Otherwise, let the nursing homes have the money.

There is also the possibility that an aged parent might remarry, which would shift the majority of the inheritance to the spouse

As far as that one goes, the kids should probably help plan the common law exchange of vows at the council on aging center, make it fancy, send them on a nice vacation, and make darn sure the wills are in order. No need to have more than one set of siblings fighting over the silverware.

[Hildy]

Although part of it is money, so much inheritance fights are emotionally driven. Before my Dad died, he explained to me and my Mother what his wishes were and put it in writing. My brother believes he's been wronged and there's nothing that's going to make him change his mind. If a parent leaves you less than another sibling, it's really not about the money, it's a hard pill to swallow that you are thought less of. I believe people can do whatever the hell they want to do with their money and children should respect it.