You Might be Liberal if...

work ^ | 12/20/02 | The guys at work

[Cup of Joe]

You Might be Liberal if...

[Cup of Joe]

You Might be Liberal if... * You think militia groups are more dangerous than inner-city gangs.

* You believe that if all guns were banned all crime would disappear.

* You believe that criminals will flock to gun buy-back programs to turn in their guns.

* You know who Gloria Steinem is and you would vote for her.

* You believe that the CIA has a secret file about you.

* You believe that Bill Clinton is a moderate, and he never lied (or inhaled).

* You believe Ted Kennedy has a pleasant enough personality, but that he is too accommodating.

* You believe that if the government funded one less black "stealth" helicopter thousands of starving children could be fed.

* You think the government should have more control in the lives of the people.

* You believe in "government bureaucracy supremacy."

* You think that it takes a village to raise a child.

* You think that communism just got bad publicity.

* You believe 1 + 1 = 2, or 3, or 4...as long as the childs feelings arent hurt.

* You think public schools are superior to home shooling.

* Your cellar is well stocked with marijuana, Clinton/Gore '96 stickers, and the complete works of Barbara Streisand.

* You believe we would solve most of our health care problems if government would just increase taxes.

* You believe that balancing the budget will give tax breaks to the rich and take food out of the mouths of children.

* You believe the only reason UFOs havent made contact is because aliens would not survive in our filthy, polluted environment.

* You believe the Bible is racist, sexist, and homophobic.

* You believe that adult white males are racist, sexist and homophobic.

* You favorite sport is MTVs "Singled Out".

* You have demanded that a local store stop selling books that contain the words "Jesus Christ", but insist they make pro-homosexual literature available to children.

* You think the only problem with welfare is that not enough people are on it.

* You believe Randy Weaver is a dangerous criminal with an arsenal.

* You think it is time for the ACLU to openly take over the Democratic Party.

* You think the media is too conservative.

* If there was a book of the teachings of David Bonior, you would buy it.

* Your kids attend an EPA summer camp.

* You smile when you hear a report that someone has attempted to assassinate Newt Gingrich.

* You write to your congressmen and insist they change the words in the First Amendment from "freedom of religion" to "freedom FROM religion."

* You believe the US military is a branch of the BATF.

* You would vote for Hillary Clinton.

* You believe the Black Panthers have some good ideas, but you hate their fashions.

* You believe Louis Farrakhan is a statesman of the first order.

* You dont think its fair that some people have bigger houses than others.

* You believe law enforcement should be federalized; their primary goal being to enter homes and confiscate guns.

* You have donated money to turn O.J. Simpsons house into a Victim's Shrine.

* You believe all hell would break loose if it werent for the UN.

* You believe Richard Nixon was a conscious agent of the Nazi conspiracy and that he had John F. Kennedy murdered.

* You believe that if anybody disagrees with your point of view its because they havent done enough LSD (a Frank Fleischmann classic).

* You dont think its fair that people should have to work to earn a living.

* You think the Republican Party is plotting to starve children and senior citizens, and to pollute the nations fresh water supply.

* You define the "rich" as anybody making over $27000 each year.

* You believe that black people cannot possibly succeed on their own; that they need your help.

* You believe the National Rifle Association is a bloated bureaucracy that likes guns more than people.

* You find Christianity and anything relating to it potentially harmful to you and your children, but youre completely open-minded to Buddism, Taoism, witchcraft, etc.

* You think Rush Limbaugh was planted by the Republican Party to brainwash listeners with subliminal messages.

* You believe that Vietnam has been completely honest with us regarding POWs and MIAs.

* You believe it is dangerous to let anyone BUT Washington control civil and individual rights.

* You believe the Rikki Lake TV program is the most accurate news source on television.

* You want to outlaw tobacco and legalize marijuana.

* You think porpoises are the most intelligent creatures on earth.

* You think that the money left over in your paycheck is a gift from the government.

* You think that it is impossible for a black person to be a racist.

* You think that it is impossible for a woman to be a sexist.

* You believe that the problem with handing out condoms to school children is that they should be handed out to them at an earlier age.

* You don't view people as individuals, but rather as members of a group.

[martin_fierro]

* You rely on the words "I feel" much more than the words "I think".

[Onelifetogive]

You think the government should have control over other people's lives. You are doing fine controlling your own life.

[UB355]

You believe that genetically engineered food threatens mankind, yet harvesting embryos to extract stem cells is the answer to the scourges of the world

[Tijeras_Slim]

*You are horrified that half the population lives below the median income.

[Onelifetogive]

You define the "rich" as anybody making over $27000 each year.

Correction!

You define the "rich" as anybody making more than you!

[Onelifetogive]

You dont think its fair that some people have bigger houses than others.

Correction!

You dont think its fair that some people have bigger houses than YOU.

[Onelifetogive]

You are horrified that half the population lives below the median income.

LOL!!!

[sticker]

" If there was a book of the teachings of David Bonior, you would buy it"

Are crayons extra?

[martin_fierro]

*You are horrified that half the population lives below the median income.

Oh, my! Aren't you in a "mean mode"! <|:)~

(Had to dig out the ol' Satistix book for that one)

[Tijeras_Slim]

Nothing standard about my deviation... :-)

[Highest Authority]

You might be a Liberal if ......... When you wiggle your ears, it tickles your hemorroids!

[HEY4QDEMS]

*You are horrified that half the population lives below the median income.

LOL! thats classic.

[tnlibertarian]

If you believe that….
1. The AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.

2. Trial lawyers are selfless heroes and that doctors are overpaid.

3. Global temperatures are affected more by a suburban soccer mom driving an SUV than by documented, cyclical variations in the brightness and intensity of the sun.

4. Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear, chemical and biological weapons in the hands of Saddam Hussein.

5. Businesses create oppression and government creates prosperity.

6. Self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it.

7. There was no art before federal funding.

8. The NRA is a bad organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is a good organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.

9. Taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.

10. Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.

11. ANY change in the weather is proof of global warming.

12. National wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.

13. The only wars in which America should become involved are those in which our national security is not at risk.

14. Perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican president commits them but a harmless, private matter if a Democrat president commits them.

15. America can have a strong military without spending money on it.

16. The way to improve public school is to give more money and power to the very people who have misused that power and money to destroy the public schools.

17. Hunters and fishermen do not care about the environment but pasty-faced activists that rarely venture out-of-doors do.

18. A bureaucrat living in Washington, D.C. can make better decisions about how to spend the money that you earn than you can.

19. Being a movie or television star qualifies you to speak out on public policy.

20. Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminine independence even though she has never accomplished anything worthwhile without riding on the coattails of her husband.

21. A handful of religious whackos living in rural Texas are more of a threat to public safety than Islamic terrorists who wish to plant bombs in major American cities.

22. Passing new laws are a much better way to curb crime than enforcing the existing ones.

23. Tax cuts are for people who don’t actually pay income taxes.

[HEY4QDEMS]

* You vote twice in every election

[bassmaner]

* You want to outlaw tobacco and legalize marijuana.

Name any elected "liberal", D or R, who would ever consider legalizing MJ. The only elected official that I can think of are outgoing Republican Governor Gary Johnson of NM and TX Republican Rep. Ron Paul): no "liberals", they.

The WOD is the most "liberal" (i.e. leftist) government program of all, as it seeks to impose total government control of what people put into their bodies, and prescribes confinement in anal-rape camps for any non-connected person who violates said diktak. Legalization (or, more accurately, re-legalization) is a truly conservative issue.

[Johnny Gage]

Questions to ask a liberal:

1. If, conceding the liberal argument, homosexuality is a genetic predisposition, and a test becomes available to let
expectant mothers know if their, "fetus," is predisposed to homosexuality, should that mother be allowed to abort the
"fetus," on that basis? If she would abort a "homosexual fetus," does that constitute a "hate crime?"
Does preventing her from doing so impose on a woman's right to choose?

2. If we were not meant to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?

2. Suppose you and one other person were shipwrecked on a desert island, not under the jurisdictional law of any
state and country. Is it morally right for that person to kill you, or you to kill that person to stretch the food supply?
If not, what makes it morally wrong?

4. If sexual activity of any sort is "ok," provided it is between consenting adults,
does this include incest between children over 18 and their parents? If not, why? 17? 16? 15? 14?

5. If the government can arbitrarily set the minimum wage at $5.35 an hour, why not set it at $200.00 an hour?
Wouldn't this improve the lot of the poor and lower working class? To what degree should the employer be able
to determine the value of labor?

6. If you over-paid a shop owner $20.00 for a new carpet cleaner, would you not expect a refund or credit?
Would you consider it theft if the business kept the overpayment without refunding or crediting you?
Does not, an anticipated multi-billion dollar surplus indicate an overpayment on the part of the American taxpayer?

7. If your 23-year old daughter had an internship with a major corporation, and had spent her summer on her knees,
under the desk of the married CEO, would you demand his resignation, or support his retention because he had
been a "good," CEO?

8. Is it truly and logically possible to be governed by our consent without ultimately being given the resort of arms?
How is it possible that a human can honestly and legitimately consent without owning the means to refuse?

9. What paragraph(s) of the Constitution outline the responsibilities of the Department of Education?

10. If we, as a nation and political system have no moral superiority over nations and governments, why do
we spend money on maintaining memorials to those that have died in order to preserve and spread our way
of life? Should we no longer fund these projects?

11. If reparations for past wrongs can be demanded by the descendants of the victims from the descendants of the
perpetrators, should native Americans be named as defendants in law suits against the tobacco industry? If, as many
Afro-centrist scholars contend, Ancient Egyptian Civilization was the product of black africans, are not the Israelite
slaves who built the pyramids owed reparations?

12. If one maintains that Darwinian evolutionary theory should be taught as fact, and at the exclusion of all other theories in public schools, one must subscribe to the notion of "survival of the fittest." If one believes that, "survival of the fittest," is a natural, evolutionary process, does the Endangered Species Act set a dangerous precedent in man's interference with nature? Wouldn't the artificially protracted preservation of a species destined for extinction result in an ecological catastrophe?

13. If you knew for a fact that a person was HIV positive, would you allow your teen-ager to have sexual intercourse with
that person if they promised to use a condom they got from the school nurse.

[Concerned]

JOHNNY GAGE WROTE: "5. If the government can arbitrarily set the minimum wage at $5.35 an hour, why not set it at $200.00 an hour?"

I have been asking people---especially minimum wage people---a series of questions very similar to that for years:

What should we raise the minimum wage up to? Maybe we should raise the minimum wage way on up to $100/hr. I mean, you would be making $100/hour for every hour you worked.

At that thought, they always get VERY bright-eyed and say YEAH!!! But then since businesses couldn't afford to PAY someone $100/hour to sweep the floor or operate a cash register, nobody would have a job, now, would they? They sadly admit no.

Then I ask, are you better off getting minimum wage (or maybe something a little aboe it) and HAVING a job...or getting paid $100/hour, but NOT having a job? Again, reluctantly, they opt for the CASH IN FIST!

[robertpaulsen]

First, if you're going to classify legalization as a party issue, it would be Libertarian.

Second, if we make the assumption that most Republicans are conservatives and most Democrats are liberals, you're saying that legalization would be supported mainly by Republicans. I beg to differ.

H.R. 2592, States' Rights to Medical Marijuana Act, calls for the amending of federal law so that states that wish to permit the legal use of marijuana as a medicine for seriously ill patients may do so, without interference from the federal government. Sounds like a good conservative issue, doesn't it? Let's look at the bill's co-sponsors:

California
Mike Thompson (D 1st)
Lynn Woolsey (D 6th)
George Miller (D 7th)
Nancy Pelosi (D 8th)
Barbara Lee (D 9th)
Tom Lantos (D 12th)
Fortney Stark (D 13th)
Zoe Lofgren (D 16th)
Sam Farr (D 17th)
Brad Sherman (D 24th)
Henry Waxman (D 29th)
Maxine Waters (D 35th)
Dana Rohrabacher (R 45th)
Bob Filner (D 50th)
Colorado
Mark Udall (D 2nd)
Hawaii
Patsy Mink (D 2nd)
Illinois
Janice Schakowsky (D 9th)
Indiana
Julia Carson (D 10th)
Massachusetts
John Olver (D 1st)
James McGovern (D 3rd)
Barney Frank (D 4th)
Michael Capuano (D 8th)
Maryland
Robert Ehrlich (R 2nd)
Albert Wynn (D 4th)
David Bonior (D 10th)
Lynn Rivers (D 13th)
Michigan
David Bonior (D 10th)
Lynn Rivers (D 13th)
John Conyers (D 14th)
Carolyn Kilpatrick (D 15th)
Minnesota
Martin Olav Sabo (D 5th)
New Jersey
Robert Andrews (D 1st)
New York
Jerrold Nadler (D 8th)
Maurice Hinchey (D 26th)
Oregon
Earl Blumenauer (D 3rd)
Texas
Ron Paul (R 14th)
Vermont
Bernard Sanders (I At-Large)
Washington
Jim McDermott (D 7th)
Wisconsin
Tammy Baldwin (D 2nd)

I count 35 Democrats, 3 Republicans, and 1 Independent. You may want to re-think your theory.