Here's somebody who agrees with you
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Trent's Faux Pas -- Good Guys and Bad Guys by Tom Adkins -- 12/16/02
Once again, a Republican made a faux pas. Trent Lott, in the heady excitement of Strom Thurmond's birthday, pledged unrepentant love for Thurmond's old segregationist Dixiecrats. Predictably, Democrats are screeching moral outrage as loud as possible. As Republicans, we should rise up in unison, wave our fists in the air and thank them.
Thank them? Wait a second. How about that old double standard? You know. Robert Byrd said "Nigger" right there on national television. Philly Mayor John Street raved, "The Brothers and Sisters are in charge now!!!" to a black audience. And last month, Bill Clinton mustered his famous sincerity and raved about his mentor, Orval Faubus, the great segregationist Arkansas governor. Did they apologize? Nope. And they shouldn't.
In fact, Jesse Jackson can start every day screaming "Hymietown" at breakfast, shake down a corporation at lunch, then spend the money on his favorite cousin at dinner. Al Sharpton can hold weekend rallies for Tawanna Brawley. The Congressional Black Caucus can claim the moral right to have a cow over the slightest racial slight, while remaining the most racist organization in America today. It's OK. It's their job because they're Democrats.
See, Democrats serve an important function in American politics. Republicans are the good guys, held to impeccable morality, riding in to save the day. But what are good guys without bad guys? Dudley Do-Right had Snidely Whiplash. CONTROL battled KAOS. Luke Skywalker had Darth Vader. And Republicans have those law-breaking, immoral, philandering, secret-selling, Chinese-bribe-taking, molesting, lying, cheating, dastardly Democrats. Oh yeah, add racist to that list, too.
Oh, sure, Republicans do bad things sometimes. But Livingston, Gingrich, Packwood and Nixon all got tossed by fellow Republicans. Meanwhile, Democrats love their criminals. Clinton, Clinton, Jackson. And so what if Barney Frank ran a gay whorehouse out of his basement? Would Billy the Kid boot someone out of his gang because he was too mean? Of course not! But if Pat Garrett smudged his sheriff's star, he'd have resigned in shame!
Democrats can do anything they please, because they are the Bad Guys of American politics. Democrats created welfare. Republicans fixed it. They started Vietnam. We ended it. They jacked up taxes. We lowered them. Democrats created the failing Social Security system, then raided it to fund their evil social programs. Jimmy Carter almost handed the world to Communism (In fact, he's still trying). Chinese bribes wormed their way to the Clinton operation as rocket guidance systems magically appeared atop Red Chinese nukes. Again and again, Democrats tie the pretty girl to the railroad tracks and Republicans are compelled to rescue her, letting the bad guys get away once again.
If you think about it, Democrats are paying us the highest compliment. They have virtually no principles whatsoever, yet hold Republicans to far greater standards. Meanwhile, conservative ethics are impossibly high, and we demand Republican leaders reach them. Frankly, the double-standard proves we're better. Therefore, there is no redemption for bad Republicans. Trent Lott could gouge out his own heart, sizzle it on a hibachi, carve it up and serve it as an appetizer at the next NAACP convention. It won't matter. Democrats will smear his bloody remains all over the national political map until nobody is left to pander. And Republicans won't follow him anyway. He's not good enough for us anymore.
So, Republicans should politely insist Trent Lott step down as Majority Leader, and let someone of greater mettle take his place. Once again, we'll be the better party for policing ourselves. Lott's mistake was forgivable but irreparable. You can't put the hooey back in the donkey.
Meanwhile, the New York Times can claim their leftist propaganda is really news. Hollywood liberals can forever remain the moral dung heap of American culture. And the National Organization for Women, who don't have men, don't have conservatives, in fact don't have any members as far as anyone can tell, have the perfect right to demand Augusta National start admitting women. Yeah, add hypocrisy to that long list of adjectives, too.
So Democrats may sell our national secrets to China, if there are any left. We can find Chandra Levy's femur under Gary Condit's pillow. Heck, you might even catch Bill Clinton hiding in your daughter's closet tonight. Just thank them all. Because in American politics, Democrats play the role of the Bad Guys. They play it with gusto. And if there's one thing that Republicans can count on, it's that Democrats always make us look good.
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Tom Adkins is the publisher of CommonConservative.com, and can be seen on FoxNews, CNN, CN8. To contact: TomAdkinsCC@aol.com