Posted on 12/24/2002 3:03:14 PM PST by Clive
OVER The Top wishes all its readers in the troubled central African country a wonderfully merry Christmas-at home. It will have to be at home because a petrol shortage has struck the troubled central African country, leaving the population stranded.
The fuel crisis that has gripped the troubled central African nation is interesting because it seems to have been everyone's fault-except, of course, members of the Zany party.
After years of blaming imperialists, the British, white people and other economic saboteurs, the Zany party has now blamed its own No Oil Company for the lack of fuel.
"Like a hungry jackal eating its pups, they've realised there is no one else to blame," said a man who had spent three days queuing for the commodity.
Meanwhile economists told OTT that the fuel shortage spelt a bleak Christmas for citizens of the troubled central African country.
"So will the bread shortage, the shortage of mealie meal, the lack of cooking oil, the disappearance of sugar, the unavailability of beef, the scarcity of salt, the absence of milk and the non-existence of foreign currency," said one economist who said he would take a drastic step and buy a bicycle, even though he knew it would make him look ridiculous.
Meanwhile fuel queues around the country, some stretching for as long as five kilometres, became impromptu More Diesel Coming (you'll be lucky) party rallies. As tens of thousands of distressed former motorists pushed their aging cars under the blazing sun or through torrential rain, there was consensus that the fuel shortage was not the fault of the No Oil Coming company, nor of white people, British people, the European Union or anyone else on the troubled central African nation's growing "Enemies of the State List".
Still, the Enemies of the State List grew mightily last week when the troubled central African country's Zany top cop announced that many businessmen and shop keepers were conspiring with enemies of the state by charging unreasonable prices for their goods. This is because the troubled central African country's industry and finance ministers have decided that any price that brings in a profit is unreasonable, no matter how small the profit.
The economic principles of vanguard socialism dictate that all business should run at a thundering loss. It was this economic system that made places like the former Soviet Union, China, Cuba and North Korea such economic powerhouses, they explained.
When it was pointed out that citizens of North Korea live (if they're lucky) on a diet of grass seeds while their insane leader imports Big Mac hamburgers, a spokesman for the troubled central African country's finance ministry dismissed this as western propaganda.
Another angry businessman who once made a living by selling beef, said that it seemed curious to emulate Cuba. "The only reason there's anyone left there is because there aren't enough inner tubes to make rafts for the rest of the population to escape," he shouted.
This was dismissed as imperialist nonsense by a government spokesman who said he had been to Cuba himself and knew for a fact that there were lots of spare inner tubes.
"Most of the cars there have no engines, so the tyres and tubes are used for many things, but it is ludicrous western misinformation to suggest anyone has even tried to escape the socialist paradise of Comrade Castro's Cuba," he said.
Later in the week, the troubled central African nation's energy minister said he had been energetic in his efforts to end the fuel crisis. There would be ample petrol in the country soon, he promised.
The promise was treated with scepticism by most motorists who were interviewed while they pushed their cars through the streets. They pointed out that it had become traditional for spokesmen to promise fuel "by the weekend", though the promises never resulted in anything.
Classic.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.