Maine Military News Update; Page W-47 (Small Print):
U.S. Army Advisors arrive in East Timor:
Dateline East Timor: at approximately 4:30 this Morning, local time, two Maine National Guard Soldiers arrived via lifeboat launched from a U.S. Navy Coal Tender anchored well offshore and listing slightly to Port, on a mission from Augusta, Maine, to establish a United States Military Presence in East Timor.
Corporal John Mosher, in his somewhat rumpled WW-II surplus fatigue uniform and armed with a long-handled shovel, is to advise East Timorian and Portugese Troops, specifically the Engineering Corps, in developing their state-of-the-art waste treatment facility West of the coastal metropolis of Jaco.
Major General Yuseph F. Tinkman IV, Adjutant General of the Maine National Guard, tells the Argus that Cpl. Mosher has demonstrated a peculiar talent for digging up dirt at his former assignment, and that his new post would provide ample opportunity for him to demonstrate these skills to one of America's most stalwart Allies, Portugal, in their Indonesian paradise of Timor.
Private / Chaplain's Assistant A. Gibson leaves his Ministry with the National Guard Family Centers in Maine, after this organization was disbanded, disbursed, and their buildings burned to the ground. General Timkman sincerely regrets this reduction in services to the Families of recently activated and Deployed Maine Guardspeople, but cites Maine's abysimal financial crisis of late as making cost reduction measures such as this neccessary.
Pvt./CA Gibson's new Ministry will be with the Rare, venomous Ring-Tailed Dung-Bats which inhabit squalid, vermin-infested caverns deep within the tropical rain forests on the Southern slopes of the 9,714-foot high Monte Ramealu. This pioneering mission will be in promotion of the Army's experimental outreach to meet the spiritual needs of endagered and exotic wildlife in potentially threatened environments.
Senior Maine Educators and Environmentalists, co-sponsors with the Military in this novel venture, expect to work closely with Pvt. Gibson as his adventures might yeild interesting environmental insights for the Students in classrooms back here in Maine.
How they intend to communicate with him while he is under the heavy jungle canopy hundreds of miles from civilization from whence no White man has ever ventured and been seen or heard from since, has yet to be determined.
"All of us at the Ministry of Education here in Maine wish Pvt. Gibson and Cpl. Mosher the best of luck in their new assignment" wrote Kommisar Alboneze in a Press Release from his Augusta Office Wednesday.
East Timor's US Military Advisory force of two is expected to qualify for a 5-day "R-and-R" vacation in sunny Borneo after their first year of service in Timor, provided that they can still be located at that time.
And now, about that mysterious dumpster fire in Standish last night...