Posted on 3/3/2003, 9:51:21 PM by Willie Green
For education and discussion only. Not for commercial use.
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — A large dugout canoe capsized on the Niger River, drowning at least 30 passengers, officials said Monday.
The canoe was carrying more than 50 people, including survivors pulled from the water, said Sani Isgogo, a Ministry of Water Resources official.
Dugout canoes are a major means of transport in communities along the river, and accidents are common.
The boat capsized while crossing a reservoir near Besse, a small farming and fishing town in northwest Kebbi state, the official said.
The accident occurred last Thursday, but news of it was slow to reach the southern commercial capital, Lagos, from the far-flung region.
The Niger River runs through Niger, Guinea and Mali before entering northwestern Nigeria. It empties into the Gulf of Guinea.
It was later confirmed that the 30 people who drowned all worked for the Nigeria Petroleum Corporation. Further investigation revealed that each of them had in excess of $50Million dollars (US) in secret bank accounts administered by several different barristers.
Details are sketchy at this point, but the barristers are seeking assistance of overseas "Partners" to assist in getting these excess funds released to private bank accounts in the United States or any other country of origin of those individuals desirous of becoming "Partners" who can maintain discretion and secrecy. Indeed, a handsome "facilitator's fee has been arranged for any and all "Partners" who can maintain discretion and secrecy in the delicate money matters the widows and orphans now face in attempting to utilize these funds in loving memory of the deceased Nigerians.
Wait one damn minute. When he emailed me, he said he was with the Ministry of Finance! You don't think I mistakenly trusted him with all my account numbers, do you?
Well, I have a good teacher.
Part of a reverse scam of the Nigerians follows.
Dear Friar Truck,
Please send your contact Tel & Fax numbers also send any detail information you might have on about the contract payment. A.S.AP.
Rev. Rufus Adams.
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In response for the phone number I pointed out we were a silent order. From the point of view of the contract details: well, if the President knew them...
Dear Reverend Adams,
Thank you for your letter.
The Order of Nasturtium Monks is a silent order and we do not speak apart from an hour set aside for this purpose every year on the first of April.
Consequently we do not use telephones. However this restriction does not apply to the written word. Happily the days of illuminated script on vellum are long gone and in a concession to the technological age we are permitted to use faxes and email.
Our fax number is +613 9326 5378. It is, of course, a 24hr fax.
With regard to the details of the transaction, I was rather hoping that you may know them. As the President himself interested himself in our remuneration and there cannot be too many pipelines laid in Nigeria I felt that you would be able to identify our claim. Would it help if I wrote directly to his Excellency? He said that you would look after the settlement of our claim.
Sadly, the most untimely death of Friar Spittle has left us a little uninformed. He was in sole charge of the transaction. I understand that he had recently made a payment from our funds allocated for renewing reserves of sack cloth and ashes to someone in Lagos (Mr Okafor? That name sounds familiar). The payment was for some sort of tax bill.
Please advise me as to whether this is sufficient information. If it is not I will try to find out some more.
God bless you,
I remain, your humble servant,
Friar Augustus Tuck.
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And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
- Psalm 1:3
Sure you got change for a $30 bill?
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