I remember trying to occasionally spank my oldest child, a boy (who just graduated from college yesterday at the age of 27 -- took him awhile because he is married, has a full time job and two babies, and who has gotten a pilot slot with the Air National Guard to fly C-130's -- yes, I had to brag)and he was so big and fast (I'm 5'2 and weighed about 110 then) I had to link arms with him and swing with my paddle while we went around in circles. We ended up laughing a good bit, as I remember.
Did you miss the word "lacerations"?