Posted on 01/15/2010 12:55:23 AM PST by ROTB
The family I am renting a room from is living in interesting times. I have felt I am in the right place, since though he is Catholic, he is happy to sit around and ask me questions about, "Why Christianity" as opposed to Catholicism, Judaism, and Islam.
Unfortunately, the purpose of my stay is becoming more clear, and the challenge even larger. The wife is Christian, and neither go to church much. They had a one-night-stand, and decided to marry for the sake of the delightful 2 year old they now have.
He wants to ditch his marriage. He claims he is tired of the scolding from her. She scolds him in front of me, and other people. He has laid off a cocaine habit since late November, which is a nice streak I hope he maintains.
At the same time, though he is contemplating ending his marriage, he is asking me what he should do, and hoping I give him a good answer.
The advice I want to give is:
1) Give your heart to the Jesus of the Bible, and not Catholicism. Wife too.
2) Pray and read Bible daily with wife.
3) Go to church together with kid.
4) She and he get in small groups.
5) Seek to find place in body of Christ
6) Serve
7) Grow
Posting here also ping!
Move out.
You might be able to have some influence on one or the other with advice if they were really looking for some.
But in reality you are being drawn into a vortex of drama that will suck the life energy right out of you.
I forgot to add, he is asking you what he should do but he’s really asking for someone to tell him it’s okay to leave.
She is demeaning him in front of you hoping he mans up or leaves...she is also possibly looking at you for the next baby.
No I’m not kidding.
Shaking head.
you should stop trying to fix other people’s problems no matter how great your concern is.
MOVE OUT & GET A LIFE and live it.
Live your own life.
Unfortunately I agree with post #3.I have twice had ‘marriage on the rocks’ people rent from me and they always wanted to involve me because they needed someone on their side, didn’t want anyone else to know but realized that I kenw already because I lived in the same house, and because I was dating someone. Wondering about that last one? Since I was not married, the couples didn’t feel as embarrassed around me when telling me about their woes because they seemed to feel a) hey we are not ‘failing’ compared to her because b) she isn’t married. It was a status thing - they could tell me but not their married friends because to see other married couples succeeding where they were failing made them feel self conscious. All this means that I would come home from night classes with a 30lb back pack full of reading to do and find someone (the wife) sitting on the couch, watching the door, waiting for me to come home at which point all the pent up pain of her day or marriage would burst and she was inconsolable until it was after midnight. This cycle repeated many times.
Secondly, there is Retrovaille (spelling). This is a Christian counseling program for marriages on the rocks. I have been amazed at how successful it has been for colleagues at work or other friend - they say it helped them overcome BIG challenges in their marriage. Elsewhere, I read that couples who commit to attending marriage counseling/classes have a dramatically improved rate of successful marriage recovery. I actually think the percentage was 80% - that is, the percentage of persons attending marriage classes who remain together.
how about from a sister-ren? :)
Seriously though, growth never comes without pain. Pray in earnest for them, but realize that God may have plans that include a certain amount of suffering before wisdom emerges.
If he moves out, will you be stuck supporting mom and baby? If so, I'd leave now, otherwise you will (as others have said) get sucked into an untenable situation - and certainly not what God has in mind for you.
Remember, satan often uses the semblance of a good work to ensnare us. Pray and leave the outcome to our Lord.
Prayers for YOU...
If he was doing cocaine and he’s only been clean and sober for a couple of months, he probably deserves a lot of scolding. He betrayed a trust by becoming a dope addict and he has some bridges to rebuild. I agree with some of my fellow FReepers when I say that I think the husband just wants someone to tell him that his wife’s the problem, that she’s a B*&%$# and to leave his marriage rather than fix it.
While many Catholics are Christians, just as many Protestants are Christians (but not all), your comment was unworthy of a Believer.
Why? Because a brother is seriously seeking counsel and guidance from others? Haven't you ever been in a bewildering situation? An exercise in charity may be in order...
This is what gets me about this situation and yes i’m offering up another opinion but i thought you,the poster may want to consider why in the heck have you put yourself in a situation with a known drug addict&serious substance abuser to you?? and you want to help THEM w/their problems?
HECK,they should kick YOU out for your serious lack of good judgement
Who do you think you are?
You got some special commission to the end of the age, or something?
No sense getting caught up with another one's troubles. That sh*t gets messy. Get out of that house and move on.
And while you are at it, keep a mind to staying away from prostitutes, tax collectors, Samaritans, centurions, and the like. That sh*t rubs off, too!
You get a dozen or so of them together and you got yourself some real trouble.
Couldn’t agree more - by scolding him in front of you she is basically sayine “He’s a wimp are you gunna man up for me”.
If he has anything left of his Catholic upbringing he will know marriage is supposed to be for life and he is breaking a solemn vow by ditching it. So that is an approach he needs to hear.
Don’t suppose because he is Catholic that he does not know the Lord and does not have spiritual understanding - that is arrogant and more than likely wrong - he may have failed to cultivate the faith he has been given but that does not mean he does not have any. THe Holy Spirit will convict him of the truth if you give it to him straight - that does not mean he will act upon it.
Anyway blessings and I hope for a good outcome!
Mel
1) Give your heart to the Jesus of the Bible, and not Catholicism. Wife too.
That is number 1?
LoL!
Says a lot.
Keep your advice to yourself and move out, both would likely be deeply appreciated.
With you living in the house you are going to end up being referee or judge or something akin to that, one or both will wind up unhappy with you. I wouldn’t want to give advice while under the same roof. What if he gets high on coke and accuses you of sleeping with the wife?
It’s just a bad place to be. Get out, then give advice. Too many bad domestic horror stories start out like this.
You better get out now while you can.
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