Then you should talk to an articulate, practicing, Catholic.
You have no idea what wellsprings of grace you cut yourself off from when you decide what the Church should be instead of allowing the Church to tell you what you should be.
God doesn’t usually punish those who refuse to follow his lead: he ignores them.
Welcome Home Papertyger!!!
And welcome home to all our brothers & sisters!!!!!
I know many fallen away Catholics that I am praying the rosary for daily. I have no doubt that Our Lady’s lasso will bring them back!!!