Recent discoveries found near the lowered shoreline of Salt Lake have been a sealed box containing an apparent book of 116 Aluminum plates.
BYU Reformed Egyptian language experts have determined that the engravings are a variant - known as Neiu Yawkien dialect.
As translation efforts are ongoing, only snippets have been released to Deseret News to publish.
It appears that the heretofore unknown Kandidites (distant relatives of BOTH Lamanites and Nephites) re-discovered the ancient sport of curling - just as Jesus and the Disciples played it. (No; NOT the grunge band)
As can be seen in a modern picture, the stone (Book of MORMON) is delivered to the house (awaiting world) by the lead (Joseph Smith).
After the 'lead' launches two stones (Ummin & Thummin) then the second (Brigham Young) is on deck.
The sweepers (missionairies) attempt to lubricate the 'stones' path so that it will take out any opposing stones (Christianity etal).