Dear Ask Tommy,
The prophet said that if the congress of the United States did not obey him they would be destroyed. Now the courts in England are attacked you as our current prophet.
Did Joseph ever say anything about the Parliament in England?
I have dear neighbors who are distraught with grief over the persecution that has come upon you because you are our LDS prophet. So distraught that I have not seen or heard from them for several days.
Should I knock on their door to check on them, or call? I think an enquiring text would be too cold, but if you say that I should, I will text, rather than send an EMail as I do not have the Internet.
I am also keeping some funeral errr soothing mashed potatoes warm to take next door if you have a revelation that I should indeed visit them. My neighbors as worthy Mormons could also benefit from a dish of green Jello that I keep ready for faith promoting occasions but this would not be one would it?
Oh whatever shall we do, dear prophet? If we were to lose you we would for the first time be non-prophet and that could be bad for business errr while England has a financial fraud here in the United States we would have a financial void. Oh dear.
Oh I am quite beside myself.
I remain,
Undone in Utah
Dear UU,
I have had a revelation from the morm on gods that your neighbors are in need of a visit from you.
This is what the Mormon gods want you to do: Put your shoes and a warm coat on. Take your Jello from the fridge, and go to your front door, open it and pass through to the other side, arriving at the outside of your house. Turn towards your neighbors house and advance at a moderate pace to their front door, and ring the door bell or knock on the door if there is no bell. If the neighbors open the door, tell them I as your prophet send them greetings and some nice delicious Jello.
As I am in need of some Jello and sympathy also please send some to the office of the president of the LDS when you send your tithes this week.
At this time it would please the Mormon gods and they will bless you and give you an extra special patriarchal blessings when you send an extra offering of $1,000 to help pay for my trip to England err to meet my needs errr no not mine errr the needs of the hungry and the needy.
Ask Tommy
Turn towards your neighbors house and advance at a moderate pace to their front door, and ring the door bell or knock on the door if there is no bell.
That's how it starts...
If you have cable TV, there won’t be much on to watch.
If there isn’t much on to watch, you will answer your door whenever someone rings.
If you open your door, you will see mormons.
If you talk to mormons, they will trick you into “praying about whether something is true”.
If you rely on your feelings, you may become a mormon.
If you become a mormon, you will have to wear magic underwear!
If you wear magic underwear, people will immediately label you as a cultist.
DON’T be a cultist!
Get DirectTV.