Posted on 10/02/2014 5:12:44 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
As I recall a time in my daughter’s life when she was not drawn toward the church or Christians, I wonder how others with Asperger’s Syndrome feel about the church, religion, and spirituality. I googled “Aspergers” and “Religion” to research Aspies’ thoughts about this matter. (Individuals with Asperger’s often refer to themselves as Aspies). To my surprise, there are hundreds of articles written about Aspies and religion. Psychology Today recently featured two articles on this very topic:
Bullying, Hypocrisy, and Church: An Asperger Perspective on ReligionThe reality of many Aspies’ experience with religious hypocrisy grieves me.
Aspies are known to be literal, black and white thinkers who want or need evidence or proof. Spiritual faith does not require proof. Many are known for great intelligence, and Aspies tend to value knowledge and perfection. Aspies are also known to have narrow interests and can obsess about topics of interest to them. How would these tendencies relate to an interest in spirituality? I found articles by Aspies who not only report a deep connection to Christianity, but to many other religions as well. However, many report rejecting faith, as well.
Aspies have the ability to grasp spiritual concepts and to develop a personal relationship with God, but relationships can be a challenge if not an enigma in the Aspie mind. Aspies are not known for their social skills, relationship building, or affect recognition, but I can tell you they are usually quite adept at detecting incongruencies between one’s stated beliefs and one’s actual behavior.
As I read articles by Christian Aspies, many have a black and white beliefs about God, the Bible, and what behaviors are acceptable and not. Some of them confess to being overly perfectionistic or legalistic in their faith, but their understanding of God and His Word is real. I can see this in my own daughter’s understanding of these matters. She too can be quite legalistic in her faith and get caught up in what Robert McGee’s Search for Significance calls “the performance trap.”
For example, she can become easily stressed if she receives money and forgets to tithe on it the very first Sunday she has the opportunity. She can raise money for missions and have a thought that she wished she had raised the money for herself and feel overly guilty for having a natural human thought. This is a wonderful teaching moment as I try to guide my daughter through her now teenage faith.
In her childhood she experienced some things that made her feel disconnected from church. When she was mistakenly expelled at the Christian school associated with our home church after being promised, “We are your church. We love you. We will never expel you,” she called the headmaster and staff pastor “a liar.” She screamed, “The church lies. He did not love me for who I was.” She carried bitterness and hurt from that experience for nearly four years. Thankfully, she remained tender toward God, but she had a negative feeling about “the church” as an institution. This is just one example of literal, black and white thinking.
I wish my daughter’s experience was an isolated incident. But, as I read articles about children and adult Aspies, many are quick to point out the hypocrisy in the church. It seems these individuals have paid attention to the sermons about how Christians are called to live and what the Bible calls sin. To individuals with Asperger’s, the biggest proof for the nonexistence of God is when they see people in the pew living double lives. For a black and white, literal, visual proof thinker, one negative interaction with a “Christian” can cause them to write off spirituality all together.
In my review of what Aspies have written about spirituality and religion, it seems the most common stumbling block is a negative experience with Christians. Aspies usually want to have contact and relationships with others. However, they lack many of the social skills required to keep such a relationship. Many individuals with Asperger’s believe that, since their schools, jobs or peers had rejected them or made fun of them, surely the church will be a place to find solace and understanding. After all, the Bible commands us to love God, to love people and to follow the golden rule. This sounds like a welcome refuge to individuals who are often socially rejected, misunderstood and ostracized. But too many times, Aspies experience the same rejection in the church.
This reported rejection by their peers and places of ’refuge” could explain the research that reports that, by the age of 13, nearly 50-60% of Aspies have contemplated suicide. This is double the national norm of “non-Asperger” teens. Research shows that the rate of suicides among Aspies is on the rise. When Aspies are asked why they contemplate suicide, the most common response is the pain of isolation and rejection.
Jesus said in John 13:35, “Your love for another will prove you are My disciples.” For an Aspie, this could quite literally mean a meaningful relationship with God and other believers, or rejection of God and disconnection with His people. Sadly, it could be a life and death decision. The stakes are high.
Will we be the Church? Will we reach out to individuals with Asperger’s and seek to understand them? Or will we reject them because of their odd behaviors and our own discomfort interacting with them? As counselors and ministers, we must take the lead in living out the Gospel in such a way that we offer hope, acceptance and safe relationships to those who are different from us, including those with Asperger’s.
In my review of what Aspies have written about spirituality and religion, it seems the most common stumbling block is a negative experience with Christians. Aspies usually want to have contact and relationships with others. However, they lack many of the social skills required to keep such a relationship. Many individuals with Asperger’s believe that, since their schools, jobs or peers had rejected them or made fun of them, surely the church will be a place to find solace and understanding. After all, the Bible commands us to love God, to love people and to follow the golden rule. This sounds like a welcome refuge to individuals who are often socially rejected, misunderstood and ostracized. But too many times, Aspies experience the same rejection in the church.
This reported rejection by their peers and places of ’refuge” could explain the research that reports that, by the age of 13, nearly 50-60% of Aspies have contemplated suicide. This is double the national norm of “non-Asperger” teens. Research shows that the rate of suicides among Aspies is on the rise. When Aspies are asked why they contemplate suicide, the most common response is the pain of isolation and rejection....
....Will we be the Church? Will we reach out to individuals with Asperger’s and seek to understand them? Or will we reject them because of their odd behaviors and our own discomfort interacting with them?
At my former church ( I have now returned to Catholicism) which was Methodist, the church leadership was as cruel as the parishioners about not including a girl with severe autism. I pushed to have her included in things and reached out to her. She was so excited that I put her on as a reader one Sunday. People were hypocrites and so was the drug addled pastor.
Most of us Christians have had issues with one or another individual church, pastor, or denomination. No need to throw ‘gorilla chips’ here.
I have a son in his late 30’s who has tested high for Aspberger’s, and he is a deep man of God who loves the Lord, knows scripture cover-to-cover, and lives a godly life.
An introvert, he is most often quiet. But, watch out when he speaks. It will be profound and wise. And almost always right on. I am often blown away by his wisdom.
He had major relationship issues in HS, and simply lacked the ability to read others if things weren’t black & white. Others often mis-read him.
But when he became an older student at Liberty University (on GI Bill), he was unafraid to challenge his professors when they would teach things that were clearly unscriptural (such as “praying against people”), and most often quickly earned the respect of his profs. Some of course, he alienated. They were not used to having a student challenge them.
He fits in well with truly godly people - but not with those who are just outwardly religious. People in general are very impressed with him, his care for others, and his kind heart and gentle spirit.
As an engineer, and an INTJ on the Briggs Meyer test, I would probably fall into the Asperger’s category.
Funny thing is it didn't hurt my faith, but confirmed it. I was well taught as a kid, and understood that in our fallen world, the Church is filled with sinners in need of salvation. I never had any expectation to find perfection in the church or its leaders, I only had the realization that God requires it of us, though we can not do it. Hence the need for a Savior.
It has also led me to be rather intolerant of those in positions of power who misuse it. Which has led to many problems in my church and vocational life. But those who work with and for me have appreciated someone who doesn't play games.
In short, there is a need in the Church as a whole for those who will call a spade a spade. Someone with Apserger’s is built for that role, though it frightens many in Church leadership whose whole worldview is based on emotion. When you have someone who is scared to tell those couples shacking up that it wrong because it isn't "nice", you have a poor leader. The purpose of the Church is to teach the Law and Gospel. In this age we focus to much on the Gospel and, as Bonhoeffer said, end up with cheap Grace. Which is no grace at all.
Here’s the actual link to the article:
http://www.aacc.net/2012/09/04/asperger’s-syndrome-and-spirituality-individuals-with-asperger’s-need-the-church-to-be-the-body-of-christ/
Good point.
I’m pretty sure my daughter and husband are high-functioning Aspies, although they will never be formally tested for it. They are both deeply religious. And both of them found kindness and respect at our church, for the most part.
They are both good defenders of the faith because they have no interest in “going along to get along”. As introverts, they are not too upset if they are “uncool” as long as they have a couple of friends and a happy home.
Same here. What is odd (to me) is that for many people being uncool is worse than death. I know of people who have left my congregation because they didn't get invited to some Bible Study's Potluck.
Here’s a talk by an Aspie on how he dealt with his “uncool”ness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-xgdqNtcDI
I have a six-years-old grand niece who has Aspergers. I hope she’ll watch this video when she’s a little older.
It was bad.
It sure can be!
Some of the cluelessness about the spectrum is astounding. I have literally seen people in checkout lines *wearing autism awareness ribbons* try to chat up people who are clearly trying to avoid eye contact, then get miffed when they are rebuffed.
Churches are a problem pretty much across the board because they advocate a conformity of opinion that spectrum people are skeptical of. Plus some of the prosletyzing churches get in people’s face in a way that freaks them out. Even the Catholic Church has the “sign of peace†which makes AS people extremely uncomfortable. They really should lose that during funeral services in particular.
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