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Somewhat in line with what Msgr. Pope is saying, I think a key error occurs when spouses view their family as a vehicle to satisfy their personal desires, rather than as an institution that has an existence of its own, greater than either of them individually, greater than both of them together.

One of my college professors, a Korean, talked about his family as a boat moving through time. He and his wife and children were among the current passengers/crew, but the “family boat” had a past, present, and future bigger than all the current passengers.

I’ve tried to cultivate in my own family the attitude that we all have to serve the organization, crew the boat, to some extent. We are not only the crew of the family boat, but that’s part of the life vocation for every family member, and it has to be taken seriously. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask, about a proposed activity or expressed desire, “How does this benefit the family?”