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Posted on 09/19/2001 7:11:19 AM PDT by Harmsway

I must admit that I was simply unable to sleep after learning that the Taliban had closed their airspace, threatening to shoot down any US aircraft which might overfly. The vivid photos of hundreds of black-clad Taliban women, their single tooth glaring in defiance, straining in harness pulling at the huge rubber band which had been mounted between two trees, while brave mujadeen warriors positioned a rock aimed towards the sky, was just too much for my frail psyche. Armed with a 12 pack, I took my rowboat to the mouth of San Diego harbor, intent on some soothing fishing to calm my troubled mind. Imagine my shock and fear as, in the early morning mist, the Taliban aircraft carrier TF Fazoozzz, and escort vessel appeared in the mist. It was literally bristling with aircraft, camels and shrieking one-toothed black clad women. As I watched in horror, the .Fazoozzz turned against the wind and began to launch aircraft. Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties associated with launching it backwards, the first crashed into the sea. Quickly realizing their error, the Taliban launched its second aircraft, which, unfortunately, too crashed; it was later learned that its fuel had become contaminated with camel dung when the wrong fueling hose had been attached. With further misfortune, this aircraft plunged into the Taliban escort vessel, killing 12 oarsmen and damaging the drum, thus effectively eliminating propulsion of the vessel since no coordinated rowing was thereafter possible. The third and final aircraft in the Taffoozz's air wing was successfully launched however. The Cessna 172 struggled to gain altitude burdened as it was with a full load of camel dung bombs and two Taliban warriors strapped to each wing, each armed with a fully loaded flintlock rifle. When the aircraft spotted me, having been previously briefed by Taliban intelligence aboard the Fazoozzz, it immediately recognized me as an element of the aircraft carrier USS Constellation, CVN64, and dove to attack. The only thing that saved me was that in firing their awesome weapons. unfortunately the warriors shot off the Cessna's propeller, and it to crashed into the sea. Rowing furiously as I consumed the 9th of my twelve pack, I was able to escape the Fazoozzz's flank speed attempt to ram and sink me, and hence I was able to return here to share this tale of horror with you. To those of you who live along our coast, please keep your eyes open because, while, unfortunately, out of aircraft, the .Fazoozzz remains fully capable of landing its complement of black-clad one toothed camel mounted cavalry to wreak havoc upon your beer-selling 7-eleven. Vigilance will hopefully save us. As for me, I'm finishing the other 3 cans and hopefully will be able to fall into a trembling sleep as I twitch in fear of the beginning of the jihad that has befallen us. As the ACLU so fittingly asked "Is getting Ossama worth all this wrath?"

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