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Crazed Palestinian Angered by Sterotypes
The Onion ^ | Long Ago | The Onion

Posted on 10/23/2001 2:28:08 PM PDT by College Repub

Crazed Palestinian Gunman Angered By Stereotypes

      HEBRON, WEST BANK—In an emotionally charged press conference Monday, crazed Palestinian gunman Faisal al Hamad expressed frustration over the stereotyping of his people.

 
Above: Faisal al Hamad, seen here shrieking anti-U.S. slogans, says that "not every crazed Palestinian gunman is exactly alike."

      "As a crazed Palestinian gunman, I feel hurt by the negative portrayal of my people in the media," said al Hamad, 31, a Hebron-area terrorist maniac. "None of us should have to live with stereotyping and ignorance."

      He then began screaming and firing into a busload of Israeli schoolchildren.

      "It hurts that in this supposedly enlightened day and age, people still make assumptions about other people," al Hamad said. "We should not rely on simple generalizations. Each crazed Palestinian gunman is an individual."

      Al Hamad said that he himself has often been unfairly stereotyped. "Any time I enter a crowded temple with fully loaded AK-47s in both hands, people just assume I'm going to open fire," he said. "That really hurts."

      "Yes, I sometimes do gun people down in the name of the One True God," he noted. "But there is so much more to me."

      Several weeks ago, al Hamad was again the victim of stereotyping during a vacation he took with his family to Washington, D.C.

      "When we arrived at the airport in Washington, security guards detained us for more than 12 hours, just because I had 140 pounds of plastic explosives strapped to my chest," al Hamad said. "Do you think they would have called the FBI if I weren't a crazed Palestinian who's on their Ten Most Wanted List? I don't think so."

      Al Hamad said his vacation was ruined when federal agents seized a crate of chemical weapons he had brought into the U.S. as a gift for a friend in New York.

      "I explained to them that the weapons were a birthday present for the blind cleric Sayid al Farouq, a good friend of mine from high school," he said. "But they did not believe me and took me into federal custody for nine weeks. Again, it's a case of people jumping to conclusions on the basis of skin color. And that can be very frustrating."

 
Above: When this truck blew up in Jerusalem on Yom Kippur last year, Israeli officials suspected PLO involvement. "That really hurt that they would just think that right off the bat," al Hamad said.

      According to al Hamad, stereotypes against crazed Palestinian gunmen don't work because they don't take into account the vast variety of proud histories and diverse cultures among them.

      "There are so many different kinds of crazed Palestinian gunmen. Each of us has our own unique reasons and motivations for our bus bombings and suicide missions," he said. "No two fundamentalist agendas are alike."

      Al Hamad also stressed the importance of understanding and celebrating the cultural differences between crazed Palestinian gunmen and non-crazed, non-Palestinian non-gunmen.

      "All the different peoples of the world have something special to offer each other," he said. "Our diversity is our greatest strength. Let's not make a weakness out of that strength."

      To emphasize his point, al Hamad fired into a crowd, killing nine.

      "I'm proud to be a crazed Palestinian gunman, obviously," he said in between shouts of anti-imperialist slogans. "But I'm an individual first. I'm me. Die, Yankee infidel pig swine!"


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 10/23/2001 2:28:08 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
Bumpedi-funny-bumpedu.
2 posted on 10/23/2001 2:32:55 PM PDT by Economist_MA
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To: College Repub
This was from at least a year ago...But racial profiling is SOOOOO wrong...(granted this individual story is fake, but aside from the numerous PC jokes in it, and fake names it could have substituted for legitimate news dozens of times in the past year)!
3 posted on 10/23/2001 2:33:22 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
I understand that Faisal has the backing of the ACLU.
4 posted on 10/23/2001 2:33:39 PM PDT by Pharmboy
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To: College Repub
Hee!

I tell you, The Onion must be having a FIELD day with all that has been going on in the world.
5 posted on 10/23/2001 2:34:49 PM PDT by WyldKard
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To: College Repub
You know what's really sad? I can actually see certain groups making this arguement.

I Love the Onion! LOL

6 posted on 10/23/2001 2:34:52 PM PDT by RikaStrom
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To: College Repub
More liberal phsychobabble now being learned and picked up by other haters of America.
7 posted on 10/23/2001 2:35:54 PM PDT by PRO 1
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To: College Repub
"Our diversity is our greatest strength".

LOL!! Great find from yesteryear!

8 posted on 10/23/2001 2:40:20 PM PDT by headsonpikes
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To: headsonpikes
"Our diversity is our greatest strength". LOL!! Great find from yesteryear
He has a point. There are all kinds of people who hate americans, israeli's, and freedom-loving people in the world. They might not all agree with eachother. In fact, they may even hate eachothers guts (iran vs. iraq) etc...but they all gang up and work together when push comes to shove agaisnt the US and Israel
9 posted on 10/23/2001 2:42:24 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
bump for an after work look
10 posted on 10/23/2001 3:03:20 PM PDT by hoosierboy
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To: hoosierboy
bttt
11 posted on 10/23/2001 5:54:41 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
bttt
12 posted on 10/23/2001 7:45:51 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
onion bump
13 posted on 10/23/2001 7:59:48 PM PDT by headsonpikes
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To: headsonpikes
late night and west coast evening bump
14 posted on 10/23/2001 9:44:46 PM PDT by College Repub
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To: College Repub
Yukon coffee-break bump.
15 posted on 10/24/2001 9:06:46 AM PDT by headsonpikes
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To: headsonpikes
November BUmp
16 posted on 11/10/2001 8:01:11 AM PST by College Repub
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To: College Repub
End Stereotyping Now! bump.
17 posted on 11/12/2001 9:21:22 AM PST by headsonpikes
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To: ipaq2000; Lent; veronica; Sabramerican; beowolf; Nachum; BenF; monkeyshine; angelo...
btttttttttttttttt
18 posted on 11/12/2001 9:25:45 AM PST by dennisw
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To: College Repub
Photograph alone speaks volumes of why Israel should not negotiate.
19 posted on 11/12/2001 9:29:29 AM PST by KeepTheEdge
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To: dennisw
Heck no, some like guns and some like bombs. Some are so dumb that the blow themselves up trying to set off a bomb, and some are so dumb that they marry Yassir Arafat.
20 posted on 11/12/2001 9:48:59 AM PST by Scott from the Left Coast
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