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Posted on 10/26/2001 11:08:29 AM PDT by Constitution Day

Taliban Reveals Secret Anti-Aircraft Weapon

By Greg Shaw and Kristianne Ahmahoar, BSNN War Correspondants

KABUL -- Afghanistan's Taliban Government unveiled a secret weapon that it says will change the course of the conflict currently raging inside this war-ravaged country. The Taliban claims to have an arsenal of 150,000 of its Human Proximity Fuses (HPF), which consist of suicide terrorists with explosives strapped to their bodies, who are then fired from reconfigured cannons at American aircraft.

According to Taliban Education/Missile Defense Minister Mullah Aqwir Kahk Suhkur, speeding terrorists passing near American aircraft have successfully detonated their deadly cargo of explosives, shooting down at least one "really big helicopter and many American spy clouds."

The Mullah originally in charge of the special program was accidentally killed in a mishap when one HPF was fired at too high an angle and fell back to where the Mullah and 30 of his faithful followers were standing.

Suhkhur was defiant as he told of the remarkable accuracy of these new-era weapons, saying he believed Taliban HPF defenses had killed anywhere between 2 to 2,500 U.S. commandos already.

Earlier today Mullah Ibin Tokin Abigwahn denied charges that Taliban claims of military successes were not credible and that their rhetoric is becoming hysterical: "These storms will not calm until you retreat in defeat in Afghanistan, stop your assistance to the Jews in Palestine, end the siege imposed on the Iraqi people, leave the Arabian peninsula, stop your support for the Hindus against the Muslims in Kashmir, fill in the Suez Canal, recall all GI Joes with the Kung Fu Grip, stop calling pork 'the other white meat,' neuter all stray pets, close down Hairclub for Men, find another word for 'Thesaurus,' destroy all copies of Ishtar and hang actress Demi Moore for her rotten movie GI Jane. Otherwise, the land will turn to fire under your feet and you will always have to hop around."

A US Senator/composer with access to classified information told BSNN.net, "While the latest Taliban diatribe is just more hysterical propaganda, the part about hanging Demi Moore might not be such a bad idea, and I happen to know that the State Department is actively seeking such a compromise. But that's all I can tell you...really. Except for this: there is a 100% chance that US Special Forces will launch a surprise raid on Osama bin Laden's secret hideout tomorrow at 2:35 a.m., spread the word."

© Copyright 2001 BSNN.net/Nathan Porter

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